I’m Not Courageous. I’m a Mother.
I have learned more from my boys than I learned on my own in 34 years of life. Despite their young age they have shown me that first and foremost I am a mother. This is what defines me, not my job or my past. Being a mother is my single greatest achievement. It is what gives my life meaning and guidance.
They have shown me that I am strong and that despite the bad days, when the stress and anxiety about Sam become unbearable and everything seems to be crumbling around me, I will wipe away the tears and I will carry on.
Not because I am brave but because I am a mother.
I know there will be more bad days ahead, but my boys have shown me that it’s OK to cry. Crying does not make me weak. Instead, my struggle makes me human and with each tear I wipe away I become a stronger and better mother.
I am not courageous — I am a mother. A mother of two amazing boys who remind me every day to live in the present. This is the single most important lesson they have taught me. And when you don’t know what the future holds for your family, this is the only truth that matters.
My son Sam is delayed because he has not reached his milestones on time. Abandon the notion of time and Sam is a normal, happy, smiley baby. After all, he has his whole life to learn how to walk, run and talk. At a young age children have no notion of the past or the future. They only understand the present. In his innocence Sam does not know that he is delayed and Loic does not know that his brother is different. He does not ask me why his brother is not yet walking. He just loves him for who and how he is with no strings attached.
Their innocence transcends all notions of time, rendering expectations meaningless. All that matters is the here and the now. Wouldn’t we all be a little happier if we could see the world through our children’s eyes?
But I am a mother, and my days revolve around time (exercise time, nap time, play time, bath time, story time and bedtime) and my thoughts revolve around my children’s future. I cannot abandon the notion of time but I can reshape my focus, attention and perspective. With Sam, all we can do is wait and see… but I plan on making the best of this waiting game.
Time will not be my enemy, I will befriend time. I will enjoy every precious day, hour, minute and second of this life. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, time goes by too fast.
“Happiness, not in another place but this place… not for another hour, but this hour.” — Walt Whitman
A version of this post originally appeared here.
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