Every Special Needs Mom Deserves to Hear This

I just came from an elementary band concert and I saw a fellow autism parent there who was with her son for his first band concert. As I watched her, this friend of mine, I was thinking, I bet there is no one else here, except for her husband, who knows how hard she is working right now. To an unsuspecting observer, she was just a mom with her son. To me, she looked like she was paying attention to his every word and body movement… to his very aura, if you will. This is what I call the “Behind the Scenes” of autism.

It deflates me when I’m somewhere with Evan and people say, “He looks like he is doing so well.” Yes, thank you, he is doing so well, but what you don’t see is how hard I have to work to keep it that way. I monitor his environment and his body language constantly to avoid any potential trouble, and this task is exhausting. I have to do it at home, too, though it is much easier in our own space, as most of our variables are known.

When I saw this mom, I knew how hard it was for her. She stopped by to say hi, and I told her she was doing a great job. I hope she heard me… I hope she understood that I meant it, and that I probably don’t understand the whole of her struggles but that I get where she is coming from and how hard this night probably was for her. I understand how risky it was for her to let go and allow her son to have his moment on stage with his band. I felt her stress and how on edge she was. I understand that the hurdle they jumped tonight was on a whole other level, and I hope next time that hurdle doesn’t feel so high.

I told this mom that she was doing a great job because that is what I want to hear. When I make it look easy, remember that it usually is anything but, and more days than not, I feel like I’m not doing enough. It might look like I’m putting this puzzle together with crazy glue, but it’s more like washable school glue that will fall apart at the slightest breeze.

So to all the superhero parents out there I know: keep up the good work. You are doing a great job.

This post originally appeared on The Autism Chronicles.

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