Dear Autism Parents, I Don't Know Your Story, but I Know You Need This

Dear Autism Parent,

Having a child with autism myself, I imagine this road hasn’t always been easy. It’s a road that often can’t be fathomed unless there are fellow travelers.

But traveling the same road is not the equivalent to having the same journey. I can’t begin to know what your days, hours, minutes and seconds are like. Autism may be the line that connects our dots, but our challenges and how we persevere changes the dynamic a bit and causes our stories to differ.

I can speak about my child and the successes, the falls, the fears, the dedication, the bottomless pits and the brighter days. I have four sons overall. It can be challenging to care for all four, especially when the needs of one of them are more. So I don’t know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. I can’t tell your story.

But what I can tell you is parents with children with autism need support. We need encouragement. We need to feel like we’re not failing even though signs of improvement are nowhere in sight. We need someone to listen and not feel like they have all the answers. We need someone to care and someone who “gets it.” No explanation needed. No judgment. Just someone who understands.

Well, I get it! And without ever meeting you, I applaud you for being a remarkable parent. Your strength, courage and tenacity are to be admired. And yes, every mom and dad should step up to the plate because that’s what you do when you’re a parent.

However, sometimes the reality can be too great, and some may find it easier to walk away. Optimism can be hard to find when the days and nights intertwine.

So on behalf of your child, thank you for staying. I know it’s tough. I don’t think any journey is meant to be a piece of cake, no matter how hard we pray for it to be. Nevertheless, this walk we take makes us stronger and more determined to make sure the needs of our children are met.

This doesn’t mean your strength won’t be depleted during your journey. You may even have a meltdown yourself from time to time. But don’t ever think your work is in vain. Don’t think your words are empty. Don’t think you’re not being effective. And please do not think that hope is lost.

The fact that your children are still here has so much to do with you loving them, believing in them and never giving up on them. The truth of the matter is no one can do what you do and get the kind of results that have professionals scratching their heads in disbelief.

No one is more dependable, no one is a better advocate and no one knows your child better than you. Although exhaustion, fear, confusion and, at times, discouragement may encompass you daily, look at your child and know this fight for accommodations, for quality of life and for just getting through the day are beyond worth it.

I’m here to give you this: A high-five, a pat on the back and a thumbs up. You’re doing a great job! The possibilities are endless, and my hope and prayer for you is that you find acceptance, progress, achievements, miracles and much strength and appreciation along the way.

From the heart of one autism parent to another,

Portia

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