How Autism Affects My Sex Life


When you’re in your final years of school, you might start to fancy people, and this makes you want to spend time with them. You get these urges (which are healthy, by the way), and you might want to get “jiggy with it,” as the youth of today say.

The problem with school is that there are a lot of social pressures, and it seems like all the guys are in a desperate bid to lose their virginity. Being autistic, I found this difficult because I had no concept how to flirt or talk to girls in a suggestive way.

I find that a lot of it is based on “vibes,” and this is something that doesn’t make sense to me at all. If someone of the opposite sex is flirting with me, it goes completely unnoticed, even still at the age of 27. On the rare occasion when I’m successful, it’s because it’s been made obvious, meaning the girl asks me out or leans closer for a cuddle.

In an ideal world for me, sex would be planned into a schedule. Autistic people love a routine with everything planned, and if it doesn’t happen according to plan, uh oh — potential meltdown. This is one area I struggled with, because sex is generally never planned that way. It can just happen. I struggled with this because in my head, I’d think, “Today at around 7:30 p.m., I would to fornicate with my girlfriend.” Of course, seduction is not one of my strong suits, so I’d ask my girlfriend, “Can we have sex… please?”

Me asking outright is not as attractive. When my girlfriend said no, it would upset me because it was a sudden routine change, and it would hurt. But it’s not fair to think a woman would have sex with you on your command. This has caused arguments, thankfully not awful ones, and I look back and wish I wasn’t a sex pest.

Here come the serious part:

Anxiety affects everything I do, including sex. When I’m presented with someone who wants to have sex with me, I can get anxious because I don’t know what to expect. The “unknown” can just be too much.

It took me a while to be able to enjoy sex, but thankfully, I met a partner who was understanding and patient with me. Sadly, we are no longer together, but I’m happy on my own and being able to focus on what’s important in my life. Personally, after everything I’ve been through, sex is not one of the most important aspects in my life.

I find the subject of sex to be a bit taboo within the autism community, and that bothers me. By writing this, I hope other people on the spectrum feel more comfortable about the subject, too.

Follow this journey on Autistic Genius.

The Mighty is asking the following: Share one question people are afraid to ask about your experience with disability and disease. What’s the answer? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Share Your Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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