To the Person Who Sees Me in the Midst of a Meltdown


Autism, anxiety, meltdowns — all things that affect the lives of so many people. But all things that are hard to talk about.

The struggle is real; the moments are hard. Those vulnerable moments that are hard to talk about without worry and fear of embarrassment and judgment. They are real for so many people.  Yes, I don’t write about it often, because I have feelings and deserve some privacy and respect. But not writing about it does not mean they aren’t there.

So I have decided to speak up, to step outside my comfort zone and discuss it.

There are so many things I wish I could tell you while in the midst of a storm that so many refer to as a meltdown.

I wish I could tell you I’m trying. Trying oh so very hard. I wish you could see just how hard I’m trying.

I wish I was able to tell you what was bothering me, that the tears could stop and I could just tell you what’s wrong, and that my body and brain could move on. I’ve come so far, and have so many strategies, but there’s always room for progress.

At times I wish you could read my mind, figure out what’s oh so hard for me to put into words, and help make it better. Many who love and care about me have gotten good at this, but unfortunately, no one can read minds.

I hope you have the ability to look through the upset, look past the screaming, the crying, the frustration and see the real me. See a young lady who works so hard, who wants to please, is kind, caring, creative, hard working and so much more.

So please, during those hard moments in your lives or with those you love, think of this story. Think of how hard they are trying. And remember, don’t forget the great person they are. Breathe, and think and know that eventually there will be calm, moments of love and laughter. Sometimes road bumps are just part of living through the rough waves of the ocean storm. Until you then see the beautiful rainbow that is a person — a unique, beautiful individual.

Remember the happy, remember the positive, the joy — the pure, irreplaceable joy — the smiles and giggles that make your heart melt. The moments of happy that override the moments of hard. Remember we need you, as a part of our team, supporting, loving, encouraging, comforting and supporting us throughout the whole ride through the many ocean waves — the calm and the rough.

I’m blessed with such supportive, loving, caring parents, siblings, friends, family members and therapists who love and support me.

Chloe posing with the lead characters Emmett and Wyldstyle
Chloe posing with the lead characters Emmett and Wyldstyle
TOPICS
JOIN THE CONVERSATION

Related to Autism Spectrum Disorder

Dad Starts Autism-Friendly Dinner Club for Families

Sometimes, something as simple as a shared meal can mean a great deal. The Zohn family loves to go out to eat together but found themselves making the effort to do it less because restaurant patrons and staff often didn’t understand their 10-year-old son’s needs. Adin, who has autism, sometimes finds restaurant settings and procedures overwhelming. His [...]

Autism Advocates Campaign Against Hit Broadway Play

Many in the autism community are taking aim at a hit Broadway play for not including autistic people. “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time,” based on the best-selling novel by Mark Haddon, has been a huge Broadway success. In 2015 the play, currently at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre in New York City, won [...]

To the Mom Who Asked If I Wish My Son Didn’t Have Autism

Adam’s artwork: a cardinal on a snowy tree branch with snow falling Not too long ago, I picked my son, Adam, up from his beloved weekly art class. It was a pretty typical pick-up. I found Adam, in his methodical manner, returning his brushes one by one in order of size to the container. He [...]

When a Change in Diagnosis Makes You Question Your Identity

Last week, I received a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD). For those who have read my story, you’ll know this is a pretty big change for me. Prior to this, my diagnoses were generalized anxiety, eating disorder not otherwise specified (anorexic type), major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits. ASD wasn’t even [...]