7 Awkward Situations I've Been Put Into as a Legally Blind Person

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When people learn I’m legally blind, assumptions are made — for example, that I’m completely/totally blind, which I’m not. Then I have to explain the situation to a complete stranger in the line at Starbucks or something like that. So here are the seven most awkward situations I can recall:

1. “What does she want?”

Oh, this question. It has been asked to my grandma, friends, boyfriends, everyone. Picture this: I’m sitting in a casual restaurant, glancing over the menu. I’m holding it probably less than three inches from my face. The waiter/waitress walks over to my table and looks at me pityingly. Then, they look over to whoever I’m currently dining with and asks, “What does she want?” as if I cannot speak. Then my grandma responds with the grand ol’, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?” and I have to reply with “Oh, sorry. I have a vision problem, but I can order for myself. Oh, and I’d like the filet mignon, please.”

2. “Do you know sign language?”

A boy from my school bus asked me this. “Did you mean Braille? In that case, no. I can read print if it’s large enough,” I reply. At this point, I receive the most confused look ever. “But I thought you were blind.” I spend the next five minutes explaining that I am not blind, but I have a visual impairment. This means I can see. I also had to explain the difference between sign language and Braille to him.

woman with a single braid wearing a white t-shirt and sunglasses

3. “Betcha don’t know how many fingers I’m holding up!”

I hate this question, and you would never believe how many times it’s been asked to me. I was just minding my own business, using my video magnifier to enlarge my notes in an American Lit class, when a fellow classmate walks over. Oh gosh, it’s the class clown. Keep walking, keep walking, I think. But nope, he stops right in front of my desk, sneers and holds two fingers so close to my face, I could tell you what he ate for lunch two days beforehand. “Betcha don’t know how many fingers I’m holding up!” When everyone starts staring, he felt the need to say, “Well, she’s blind so…” Then I had to explain once again that I’m not blind, and that he was in fact holding up two fingers.

4. “Here, _______. Do this for her.”

I’m right here, and I can hear everything you’re saying. Maybe instead of asking my friend to fill out a paper for me or cut something out for a project, quietly ask me if I am able to see well enough to complete the task myself. I’ll usually say yes. However, if I don’t say yes, I’ll politely ask you for help. Then, it is completely acceptable to get a friend or someone else I trust to assist me. Or you can ask how you could make the task easier for me. I could always give a suggestion. I like to be independent, and it really hurts my feelings when people make the assumption that I cannot do things for myself. Also, it’s quite embarrassing when you ask a random person to do something for me. Therefore, just ask me. I don’t bite most of the time!

5. “Stop, you’ll hurt yourself!”

I have a visual impairment (which is a disability), but I don’t recall taping a “fragile: please handle with care” sticker to my forehead. I will not break, I promise. I am comfortable with my abilities, or lack thereof, and I know my limits better than anyone else. Accidents can happen to anyone, including me. But please don’t make a mountain out of a molehill regarding my visual impairment.

6. “If you hold that phone so close, you’re gonna go blind!”

I was in the line at Starbucks, glancing over the menu on my phone so I could be fully prepared when the barista asked for my order (darn you, social anxiety). The woman behind me snickers. I turned around, hoping to see something pretty funny, but she was looking my way. I turned back behind me, completely confused. She then said, “If you hold that phone so close, you’re gonna go blind!” Then she went back to looking at the pastries, as if nothing happened. I didn’t want to say anything, but something in me began talking anyway. “I have a problem seeing things far away, so I do hold my phone a bit closer. Sorry if it’s bothering you.” Then we had to stand in line silently for the next three minutes until I could order my Grande White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino and leave. Can we say awkward?

7. “I’m pretty sure that’s $10.”

This was possibly the most uncomfortable situation ever when it happened, but it’s funny to me now. I walked into the Dollar Store to buy a birthday card for my cousin, and I was just getting ready to pay when the cashier saw me having a hard time with my money, struggling to read the numbers on the bills. I finally handed him a $20 bill. I waited for my $17 and change back when he hands me $7 instead. “Excuse me, but I gave you a 20.” He looks absolutely disgusted. “I’m pretty sure that’s $10,” he says. I had no idea what to say.

Thank goodness a lady I knew from church was behind me in line. She proceeded to tell him how rude it was to take advantage of someone who couldn’t see. She literally made me cry, right there in the checkout line, because I was so happy someone had stuck up for me.

As you can see, many misconceptions and generalizations are made about someone with a visual impairment — or any disability for that matter. However, I believe you have to make the best of the bad situations and see the humor in it. The moral of this story is: (a) things aren’t always as they seem, and (b) don’t buy birthday cards from the Dollar Store.

The Mighty is asking the following: Create a list-style story of your choice in regards to disability, disease or illness. It can be lighthearted and funny or more serious — whatever inspires you. Be sure to include at least one intro paragraph for your list. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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To My 13-Year-Old Self After Losing Sight in One Eye

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Dear 13-year-old self,

Hi, Olivia. I know you are not going through an easy time right now. You were just discharged from the hospital after a devastating car accident. Right now you are adjusting to living with vision in only one eye, still waiting for the medication to do its job and optimistic that the doctors will come back with the news you are hoping for: that the vision will come back.

I am sorry to tell you this, but it won’t. It is gone forever. I know that is devastating to hear. I know how much it hurt to learn that. I know the anger that is growing inside you to mask your grief at the realization that you may never feel “whole” again.

To the rest of the world, you have rebounded spectacularly. You left the hospital and jumped right back into life, as if nothing even happened — as if the moment that will define the rest of your life never happened. And yes, I am sure you are shaking your head right now, but I promise you that accident has set a new course for your entire life.

I am not surprised you are coping so well. That is the undeniable positivity in you, that resilience I am so proud of. I know what’s going to happen now. You are going to continue on like nothing ever happened. “So I lost my vision in one eye. I still have another one,” you will say to yourself over and over again. “I will not allow this to affect my life in any way. I will never let it stop me from becoming who I want to be” will become your mantra.

As the next few years pass, you are going to attract more attention than you would like.
People are going to ask you uncomfortable questions; some are going to say hurtful things. I want you to know they are not intending to upset you, they just don’t understand, but I know they still will.

You want to be strong, so you are going to bury the growing pain you feel deep inside yourself. You are going to think if you push it down far enough, then it won’t affect you. It will be like the accident never happened. Even though it seems like the perfect plan, unfortunately, I have to tell you it is going to fail. 

By burying the accident, the trauma and the pain, you will unintentionally bury
the other feelings you possess — joy, hope, love, passion and enthusiasm. Even that positive attitude will slowly fade away. That anger you felt when you first heard the news your vision will never return will dominate your mind. Soon it will become the only emotion you will be able to express.

I don’t want to give away too much about what is to come, because there are mistakes
you are going to make. There are people you are going to hurt. You are going to make decisions you will regret, but all of these will bring you to where I am now. That is who I am: you, 11 years later. These choices and mistakes are things that need to happen in order for you to learn and grow. However, there are a few things I do want to tell you, just things to keep in mind and be aware of.

I know you don’t want to talk to Mom and Dad about the accident, and trust me, I understand. You don’t want to upset them. You don’t think they want to talk about it, but they do. They don’t know anything is wrong. They don’t know the pain you are experiencing, because on the outside you still look remarkably fine. I know this isn’t an easy request, but try to talk to them. They want to hear what you have to say. They want to know what you are feeling. They want to help. No one is ever going to know anything is wrong if you don’t ask for help.

But you need to ask for help.

In doing so, you will start a personal transformation that will leave you a better person
and a more complete person than you could ever imagine being.

Life isn’t going to be a breeze for you. The next decade is going to be hard. You are going to feel like no one else on this planet understands your suffering.

But you have to keep fighting. There are days you are going to feel weak, but you need to know you are strong. There are going to be days you feel worthless, but I promise you matter to so many people. There are going to be days when you feel hopeless, but even though it might seem far off in the distance, I promise you there is a silver lining and you will reach it because that’s what you do — you survive.

But the most important thing you need to know is that surviving is not enough. You
need to live. Surviving is merely existing. It gets you along but it doesn’t quench your determination or fuel your passion. That is what living does, and I promise you will learn to do that, too. Just give it some time.

You are going to be OK.

Sincerely,

You at 24

The Mighty is asking the following: Write a letter to yourself on the day of the diagnosis. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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Why I Decorate My White Cane With Key Chains

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“Tap tap clink clink.” This is the not-so-subtle sound of me walking around, trying to live my life as independently as I can with my loyal, trusty white cane.

The tapping is the tip of the cane skimming the floor as I move it back and forth to detect potential obstacles, and the clinking is the sound of the key chains I have hanging from the string that holds my cane together when it is folded. You may be wondering why I decorate my cane with key chains, and you wouldn’t be the first. The truth is that I decorate my cane to make it uniquely mine, a unique cane for a unique individual. There are thousands of white canes, but the key chains set it apart from the others to go with my individual personality, showing that I am not just a blind girl, but I am a person with the same thoughts and feelings as everyone else, and my life and story are just as valuable.

This all started when I was at a school for the blind and I saw a friend who had key chains on her cane. I thought it was cute, but I wasn’t planning on doing it. Then two blind friends and I made matching friend ornaments and decided to put them on our canes. Once I did, I loved it because it was something on my cane that represented me, not just the blindness. It helped me accept the cane as a part of me, a part that will be loved and accepted by anyone who truly loves and accepts me, instead of a cause of suffering when people stare at me, point and make offensive remarks.

Then one night, I was sitting with the same friends, talking, laughing and listening to music like any other teenagers, and I felt a flash of anger. How dare people treat us as if we are inferior and don’t get to know the unique personality within each of us behind the disability? Most people don’t talk to me like everyone else because they see the disability, and suddenly that’s it. I can’t offer anything else. I am flawed and not good enough. I am defined by society’s expectations. Suddenly, I am a disability, not a person. Someone who needs to be looked after and talked down to. Someone to always be held at arm’s length because I am so different (note the sarcasm).

Brittany standing in the kitchen with her cane

I slowly started adding key chains on my cane. This adds a little bit of me to the cane, so it represents me, not just a disability. It became a form of self-expression. Each key chain has a story, like the red and green leather ornament with a maple leaf on it that matches my friend’s, a red sparkly heart that is from where my grandparents live that makes me happy and reminds me how much love I have to give and also holds my reward cards to various stores, and an owl that holds hand sanitizer because I thought it was cute.

Now my cane tells a story, so hopefully when someone looks at it, they see a person, not a disability. Hopefully it helps them recognize who I am apart from my blindness. I hope it reminds you that there is more than meets the eye. When you look at my cane from afar, it just looks like any other white cane, but when you take a closer look, a story will unfold itself to you in those key chains. Just like when you look at me from a distance you might just see “the blind girl,” as I have been called that many times, but when you look closer and get to know me, you see a sarcastic, witty, vivacious, perceptive girl who could be such a good friend to you if you give me a chance.

I have more to offer than my disability — more to offer than the person I would be if I went along with everyone’s expectations of what I can and can’t do. Next time you see a disabled person and want to generalize or demean them, remember my cane, and remember me. Always remember that there is more than meets the eye, if you take some time to look. I of all people know that well.

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When People Ask Why I Work When I ‘Struggle’ With It

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I often get asked a question frequently from strangers or the occasional rude guest at my booth that just rubs me the wrong way. It takes on many forms and is often phrased based on the conversation or situation at hand.

“Why do you have a job when you struggle so much at it?”

“Why bother working all these hours when your body/mind can’t handle it?”

“The government can take care of you. Why keep this job when you can be out having fun?”

Usually in these situations, I’m unable to answer the way I want to and I just hastily reply, “I just love what I do.”

In reality, that is true. I enjoy meeting people from all over the world who come to my booth at the happiest place on earth. But my reason for working isn’t all positive.

I was raised to take pride in what I do, and sitting at home all day tends to make me even more depressed. I am legally blind, and I also have depression and anxiety. My eyes are in pain a lot, and my mind can hurt just as badly sometimes (though it’s better now with treatment). Working sometimes puts a big strain on me, and I often come home wiped out and in pain. I have to put in twice the effort as others to do the same job, keeping pace with them despite getting bouts of double vision and migraines.

I work twice as hard to make it to where I’m at. The many programs out there to house me and pay me for food and such denied me because I’m too high-functioning or there isn’t enough funding. Friends I grew up with who have various disabilities are stuck on waiting list after waiting list hoping they’ll get that help they need.

We all strive for independence like anyone else. I put up with long bus rides each day on top of added work stress to make my dreams work. But what about those of us who can’t?

I cringe when my co-workers ask questions like that, and I cringe even more when it’s a guest. I can’t be truthful because not only is it unprofessional, but it would result in a long explanation that not many people want to take the time to hear.

I wish more was done for others in my footsteps as well as those of my friends. All we want is to be on a level playing field as anyone else — a job, reliable transportation options, housing and whatever staffing or coaching we need to get there.

But I’m impatient. Why wait for a phone call that may or may not happen?

I work because I refuse to settle for less. My differences make the chase for the American Dream harder, but to me, it’s worth it.

Because I am worth it.

Mandy Ree

The Mighty is asking the following: What’s one thing people might not know about your experience with disability, disease or mental illness, and what would you say to teach them? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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When It’s OK to Be Inspirational for Having a Disability

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Having a visible disability comes with its own sets of challenges. Sometimes people pray over me or give me unsolicited advice. But the most frustrating for me is when they are inspired by me when I have not done anything deserving of admiration. Recently The Mighty highlighted Robyn Lambird, a teen who talked about the need for speaking positively about disabilities. One point she brought up in her video was that by admiring every small accomplishment of people with disabilities, it diminished the worth of any significant achievements.

One moment that speaks to this and illustrates Lambird’s point occured my freshman year of college. I walked into an Applebee’s restaurant, guided by my Seeing Eye dog, a black lab named Cloud, with my mother. We sat down and did what everyone does at restaurants — ordered food and chatted. Someone walked up to our small corner table, and before I could inquire about getting more iced tea, the person blurted out, “You are so inspiring. You know we all take so much for granted, and here you are. Thank you for your bravery.”

Internally, I was furious but I could not find the right words. “Thank you,” I said. The words fell flatly on the cheap wooden chain restaurant table.

“She meant well, you can’t get mad,” my mother would console me later.

woman standing on grass next to dog
Kit and her Seeing Eye dog (photo by Blossom Vydrina)

This was not comforting, because I was angry. All the woman knew about me was that I was able to walk into a restaurant, order food and socialize, and I exceeded her expectations of me. She had no idea I was in college, or that I had made the dean’s list my first semester. I woke up and left my house, and that was enough. I had fulfilled my life requirement.

In December 2015, I graduated with my Bachelor of Fine Arts, six years after the incident with the woman at Applebee’s. Six years later I’d done a lot more than just attend college. I walked across the stage with my new Seeing Eye dog, a golden retriever named Solstice, shook the president’s hand along with a few deans, and accepted the diploma case. My dog guided me effortlessly back to my seat. I was hyper-focused on that stage, making sure to follow my dog perfectly, to see where the president stood, to shake her hand and the next hand, and to take the case. I had to find the stairs, walk down, get oriented and walk back to where I needed to go. My friend told me later that she cheered for me, and a few other people did as well.

As all the graduates filed out of the Athletic and Fitness Center where the December graduations are held, I followed the marshall, who also happened to be my boss at the office for students with disabilities. From the crowd, someone I didn’t know shouted, “You go girl! You had to work twice as hard and you deserve it!”

We walked out, I hugged my boss who had helped me through college by scanning, Brailling, reading, and doing anything else I needed. I hugged professors. I cried a little. We all walked to the reception hall and stopped to stand by a table for four to wait for my parents and my friend to meet me, and I thought about what that woman had yelled — and I wasn’t angry.

Around my neck was a deep red stole from Sigma Tau Delta, an English honor society, and in my hands was a diploma. By receiving a diploma, walking across a stage solo, and being noticeably marked as an honor society member, I had exceeded that woman’s expectations. In this one situation, that was OK. I earned the praise. I did have to work harder, having lost my vision for a second time partway through my college career. This time, it was OK to be inspirational.

The next week on the bus with Solstice, a man I didn’t know sat next to me and brushed my skirt aside to pet her head, which was between my knees. “You and your dog are amazing,” he said, ignoring not only my personal space but my recent very real accomplishment as well. “Positive thinking” about disability means believing that people with disabilities can do more than leave their house: they can be parents, coworkers, friends and meaningful and productive members of the global society.

So instead of telling every person you see how inspirational they are, save it until you meet someone who has actually done something you personally admire. When you find that person, tell them you admire them, because then it will mean a lot to them,  just like it does for anyone else.

The Mighty is asking the following: Tell us one thing your loved ones might not know about your experience with disability, disease or mental illness. What would you say to teach them? If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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Finding the Light When You're Losing Your Vision

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Light has played an important role in my life, both in a physical sense as well as a more symbolic one. In the physical sense, there is my inability, due to a visual impairment, to perceive light in a way that allows me to see like most people. I have a condition called retinitis pigmentosa that results in progressive vision loss, starting from the periphery and moving to the center of the visual field, and there is a good possibility that someday in the future I will lose my remaining eyesight. Today, I have less than 10 degrees of central vision remaining, which means that I am classified as legally blind.

It was only after I was diagnosed with my visual disability that I became interested in photography, which is all about playing with light. I approached photography not only as a personal challenge, but as a way to challenge the world and the way it sees me as a person with a visual disability. As a personal challenge, photography has encouraged me not to withdraw from the world, but to engage with it. Photography has encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and travel, because as they say, “in order to take more interesting photos, you have to visit more interesting places.” I use photography to challenge assumptions about ability and disability. One of my favorite things to do is to pull up to a spot with my white cane and take out my favorite camera to take a photo (these days that camera is likely to be my iPhone). The idea is to use two things that are not often associated with each other (a blind person’s white cane and a camera) to challenge assumptions about what it means to be blind and what blind people can do. In this sense, photography is a tool I use to educate others.

In a more symbolic way, light refers to the role education and educators have played in my life. I have been fortunate to have a number of mentors in my life. One of those was Julio, the social worker who was assigned to me when I struggled in school after arriving in the U.S. as a non-English speaker. In the middle of a somewhat chaotic transition to a new country, a new culture and a new language, Julio became my lifeline. As a strong Dominican-American male figure, Julio became my role model for what I could achieve if I applied myself and pursued an education. My second mentor was Profe Rick. Although Profe was the Spanish teacher at my high school, and I didn’t take Spanish, he became a trusted friend without whose support I would not have made it through boarding school.

Just a few years after I arrived in the U.S., I received a scholarship that allowed me to attend a Quaker boarding school for ninth grade. This was a turning point in my life. The motto of my boarding school was “Turn to the light,” a saying that captures the Quaker idea that each of us has an inner light that represents that of God within us. While I am not a religious person, this idea of inner light left a lasting impression. It has guided my work throughout my life, including what I do today as an inclusive learning consultant. My goal in this role is to find that inner light in each person, that spark that represents each person’s potential and ability to contribute. Just as Julio and Profe Rick found that spark in me and lit my inner light, I try to look for ways in which technology can empower learners who face similar challenges as the ones I faced in school to find their own inner light and unleash their potential. What keeps me going in this work is what I call the “magical moment:” that moment when you see the spark in a person’s eye that lets you know you’ve changed their life for the better in an instant.

I had such a “magical moment” a decade ago when I first encountered inclusive technology. I had just been diagnosed with my visual impairment and was struggling to find my way through a master’s degree in instructional technology at the University of South Florida. At around that time, Apple had released OS X Tiger with the VoiceOver screen reader and the advanced “Alex” voice. What made this a “magical moment” for me was the message I got from the technology. It was a message of hope that everything was going to be OK because there were really smart people working on technology that would allow me to accomplish my goals even if I lost my remaining vision. In this way, “Alex” spoke to more than just my ears and my brain — it spoke to my heart and my soul. It was the spark I needed to persevere in my studies and go on to complete my master’s degree and later my doctorate.

When we think of light, we often just think of it only in the physical sense, that light which allows us to perceive the colors and beauty in the world around us. But light can be much more. It can be our inspiration, our spark that keeps us going and allows us to overcome the challenges we face in our lives. For me, light has not only been the physical light I have been losing with every passing year, but the symbolic light I have gained through the people and technology that have come into my life to allow me to have a meaningful and fulfilling life.

My challenge to you is this: How will you be that light for somebody else? More importantly, how will you help them “turn to the light” and find their own spark?

photo taken by luis that resembles an eye
A photo taken by Luis

Follow this journey on Luis Perez Online.

The Mighty is asking its readers the following: Share with us the moment, if you’ve had it, where you knew everything was going to be OK. If you’d like to participate, please send a blog post to [email protected] Please include a photo for the piece, a photo of yourself and 1-2 sentence bio. Check out our Share Your Story page for more about our submission guidelines. 

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