To My Best Friend Who Has Depression

Dear Best Friend,

You texted me last night saying you had bawled again. You told me you didn’t feel attractive and that you felt alone. You told me you just don’t see an end in sight.

I posted something on your Facebook wall about anxiety. You liked it and told me it was totally true. I knew it was true because I’ve known you for 20 years, and no matter what you are going through, I always know how you feel.

I know you can’t help it when you feel like this. But if you only saw the person I saw. Then, you would know that the world is a better place with you in it.

When you say you feel alone, I try not to take it personally, but sometimes it does hurt my feelings. I’m here for you and I’m supporting you — even if you don’t feel it. I want to make things better for you, but your depression doesn’t always allow me to do that. When you look in the mirror and see someone unlovable and unattractive, I just want to scream at you and tell you how beautiful you are and how loved you are. But I know that even when I say it, your depression and self-esteem won’t let you believe it.

So, I’m sitting here writing you a letter. I’m writing a letter to you telling you how I wish you could see what I see. You are a strong, independent beautiful mother who helps my life in so many ways. I don’t know what I would do without you.

Your kids depend on you and I do, too. I know that makes you feel like there’s more pressure on you, but it’s not that — we depend on you because you make our lives better. If I could just break the wall of depression around you, I would. I would tell you that it doesn’t matter what people think of you and it doesn’t matter if you are having a bad hair day. Heck, I’m having a bad hair life! I struggle to find the right words that will penetrate the barrier that your depression and anxiety has put around you.

There are good days and bad days for all of us. We all struggle with feeling good about ourselves, but I know that even though you want to feel better, it’s often hard just for you to face the day. I know you see the world through the glasses of depression, but sometimes I even struggle to understand how your brain is working. But whatever you’re going through, just know I’ll be here for you, no matter what. I love you for everything you are, everything you think you are, everything you can be and everything you are going to be.  We’ve been through a lot and we’ll be through a lot more. I’ll remind you how amazing you are when you’re feeling low. I’ll remind you how lovable you are when you’re feeling unlovable. You are an amazing woman. You are an amazing woman with depression, and I love you all the same.

Love always,

Your BFF

Jen and her best friend.

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