Adult on the Spectrum Shares the 'Deepest, Darkest Secret About Autism'

When a user on Quora.com, a question-and-answer website, asked “What’s the deepest, darkest secret about autism?” only a few responded. The top-voted answer came from an anonymous adult on the autism spectrum:

The full post reads: 

I applaud the parents and family members who have taken their kids to special classes, therapy, intervened at school, and were patient and loving with their autistic kids. As an autistic adult, I know we can be very challenging to deal with, and I think you parents are superheroes. Unfortunately, the darkest secret is that not all autistic kids were lucky enough to have such great parents.

Please note: if you are a parent who is  working to help your child do better in school, deal with their sensory issues, improve their social skills, and protect them from bullying, this post IS NOT about you. You are a hero.

The darkest secret is that not every autistic child is lucky enough to have a family that is patient, nurturing, and kind. Not every autistic child has parents willing to take the time to understand that their children need help understanding social rules, need patience when their children are overwhelmed by their environment, and understanding that their children are not trying to be brats when they have a meltdown. Some autistic kids had parents who never got their children tested because they didn’t want to believe that they had a child who was “different”, never took them to therapy or special classes, and rarely intervened when they were bullied. Some parents even blamed their children for their own bullying: “What did you say to make them want to hurt you?” Some autistic children are abused, neglected, molested, and even killed.

To be fair, not much was known about autism when I was a child, but it seemed like every time I did something wrong, my parents thought I was doing it on purpose, to be dramatic, to be a brat, that I wasn’t trying hard enough. Nothing could be further from the truth. I wanted to make them happy. I hope the increased awareness of autism has changed things for the better, but I suspect that there are still places where there are very few resources for early detection and treatment, or support services for overstressed families.

Another person on the spectrum responded that there is no “deep, dark” secret about autism. “I’m a little weirded out that people think there is,” the user wrote. “We’re not Magical People with a Deeper Understanding Of The Universe. We’re also note broken; there is no deep, dark secret that will cure us. We’re just people. Perhaps people who interact with the world differently than you do, but still just people.”