Not many people understand me or really take the time to. They don’t understand meltdowns or sensitivities. It can become difficult to deal with.
When I was 2 and half, I was diagnosed with autism after I’d stopped talking and socializing. The doctors initially figured it out because I had a meltdown over being in the boys’ “Cars” room instead of the “Strawberry Shortcake” room. It was followed by about two years of not talking, many meltdowns, and sensitivities that even I didn’t understand. Doctors said I’d never talk again, I’d never be able to participate in normal school, and I would never socialize.
I was picky about my things. My stuffed animals had to be organized a certain way. I had to have matching clothes made out of material I was comfortable wearing. My toys had be organized by size and color. My bed had to be made perfectly. My food couldn’t touch. Only certain people could hug me or help me through a meltdown. I screamed when someone didn’t understand what I was telling them — because not being able to physically tell them made me upset.
I was often picked on for my organization, and I didn’t always understand things right away. A lot of people did it out of fun. But they couldn’t really understand how much it hurt me.
I had many people, namely my mom, help me so I could speak again and learn to cope with meltdowns. I started talking again when I was about 4. I still had to get speech therapy, but it really helped.
Often times I was misunderstood. Nobody knew why I broke down in class, or got frustrated and didn’t want to do my work, or got in trouble so I could go to the library and read books. Nobody knew anything about autism spectrum disorder, and often told my mom I needed to go to a mental institution for evaluation. I was fine, just neurologically different.
I know there’s frequently this belief that being autistic means you’re not smart. But autistic people often have high intelligence and really are smart people. I’ve always gotten mostly A’s and B’s in school. If I get bored in school I won’t do my work because I feel like I can’t learn anything. I remember most things, including conversations I had years ago. I was accepted into an advanced program for middle school and received an award from the President in fifth grade along with four other people. I skipped eighth grade. I can read most books in eight hours. I can remember lyrics to a song after listening to it twice. I soak up everything like a sponge. I have friends and family who understand me. Point being: autistic people aren’t unintelligent people, regardless of what others say.
I know this may not make much sense. I know there’s a lot of information that may be confusing. But I’ve come a long way from the little girl I was.
If you’re in a situation like this, don’t give up. You’ll be OK. If you’re watching someone go through this, they’ll be OK. Doctors aren’t always right in saying a person won’t speak, or be in school, or socialize. You can’t give up. Work with them. Help them. Everything will be OK. Just have hope that it will.
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