The Blur of Bipolar Disorder

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I’ve always been the type of person who has trouble staying still. Constantly moving from one thing to the next, or at least wanting to. It’s hard for me to make a decision because I can’t choose just one thing or focus on one thing. And the worse things get, the faster I want to move. The less I want to slow down or stop or be quiet. I move as quickly as possible to the next job, the next bottle of wine, the next person, party, hobby. I can’t even focus on a 20-minute television show for more than five minutes. I can’t do what I love — reading or writing or digesting a film or a record because that would involve me being still and I can’t be still because that means addressing what is happening. Admitting there is a problem. Realizing I’m once again broken. So I speed. I zig and I zag and I am too much. I drink too much. I cry too much. I buy too much. I go as fast as I can for as long as I can until I can’t do it anymore. Until I physically can’t take another step. Until I can’t feel too much anymore.

Until I’m done.

Until I am broken and all I can manage now is to turn off all the lights and sleep and try and remember how I got to this point.

Because by this point all I can remember are blurs.

A blur of me sitting in my car in the rain and crying on the phone while my boyfriend tries to understand why I’m crying.

A blur of me huddled under the covers while my dog remains loyally cemented to the foot of my bed keeping watch.

A blur of me dashing out the door with nowhere to really go because I want to avoid talking about anything that matters with my roommate.

A blur of seeing my mom’s name show up on the phone screen and turning it over so I can pretend I never saw the call.

I remember something about laughing but it’s faint and I can’t remember what was so funny. Something about music but none of the songs make me feel anything. Something about reading but nothing on the pages grabs my attention. Something about nature but
I don’t want to leave my bed. I drive over a bridge and for a moment imagine what it would be like to go over the side. Would it hurt? Would I feel something, anything?

And then I’m in a long abandoned antique mall’s parking lot screaming and choking because I wished it would actually happen. That it would all be over. That I would maybe feel something when I hit the water. But I also don’t want to feel anything or think about anything ever again.

I want everyone to leave me alone but I sob when I think my wish might actually come true. I dream about being surrounded by people and all of them hate me. I dream about everyone I love leaving me and screwing me over. I wake up screaming and scared and shaking. Most of all I wake up angry. I carry this anger around. I wrap myself in it. My journal becomes a scribble of messy, heavy bits of prose and lyrics. I’m angry with myself for letting this happen again and I want everyone to be angry with me, too. I want to feel
something, anything. I stand outside in just a t-shirt. I can see my breath but I’m not cold. I still don’t feel anything. And then all of a sudden I realize I’m sitting on my bed while my roommate sits on one of the numerous mounds of clothes that covers my floor.

“This is the lowest I’ve seen you.”

I get lunch with my mom.

“You just don’t seem like your usual sweet self.”

I’m listening again.

Everything is coming back into focus.

I talk on the phone with my boyfriend and don’t spend the entire time in tears.

“I love you.”

And I believe him.

I return texts and phone calls. I sing in the car. I read. I sit on a bench for an hour enjoying how the sun feels hot on my face. I walk outside and shiver because of the cold.

I get up at 7 a.m. and eat a bagel. I spend time deliberately, delicately picking out what to wear. I’m being put back together. But I’m still not there.

The pieces are settling back together. I am settling. I feel quiet inside and I don’t mind.

I stop trying to pack my days full of things one right after the other. I am caught off guard by the scars, but I have a hard time recalling exactly how they got there and am grateful that was a blur. I am grateful because the monsters that terrified me in my dreams were just that — fantastical monsters. I am grateful that though they don’t understand why I can’t pick myself up or crawl out of bed they want to and they try. I am grateful because while he doesn’t understand why, he holds me while my mind moves too fast and everything is just too loud. I am grateful because while she doesn’t understand why, she shares a pint of ice cream and her couch with me while I talk until I have nothing left to say and then it’s OK if I don’t say anything at all. I am grateful because they do understand, at least a little.

I am grateful because they know how it’s going to end and still they stand by patiently, so very close, waiting to push me back up again and again.

Follow this journey on Twenties in Ruin

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

The Crisis Text Line is looking for volunteers! If you’re interesting in becoming a Crisis Counselor, you can learn more information here.

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10 Things People With Bipolar Disorder Don't Want You to Know

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I can’t count the number of articles I’ve come across with the title “# Things Bipolar People Want/Wish You Knew.” For the most part, they’re pretty spot on. But I want to come at it from a different angle. I’ve done my best to keep it pretty similar in format, but if you feel I got something wrong or missed a key point, drop me a comment!

1. We’re scared of our symptoms too.

There’s nothing quite like the dive between (hypo)mania and depression when you feel like you can see the world crumbling around you. Or the emptiness that makes you feel like a dead (wo)man walking. Or the darkest parts of depression when it hurts to cry because you’re trying not to wake anyone, so you silently sob… but then you realize you aren’t breathing either and your chest is on fire, but it also feels like you’ve got a ton of bricks on top of you. You wonder if it’s possible to die from sadness. You walk around with the stress of what could happen if you have a manic episode. The way you lock up your credit cards, carry around only a limited amount of cash because you know you can’t stop yourself from spending everything you have. The way you stay home because you know you’re bound to get into a bad situation because you’ve been manic for a few days and now you’re bored.

2. We’ve given up on hope for ourselves more times than you have.

We know sometimes we’re a hot mess. Hearing you say “I’m done” when we have a bad day (or too many in a row), or watching you go for a drive because you “can’t handle” us at the moment just reminds us we’re alone. And as many times as you’ve grown tired of us, we’ve done that twice as much with ourselves. 

If we trust you enough to open up, it’s because we know we’re eventually going to fail ourselves and we need you to pick up the pieces. It’s not fair of us to smother you in our problems, but if we could figure out how to not make them problems or how to deal with them on our own, we wouldn’t need so much help. In the end, when the words “I suck” are said, it’s our inner demons speaking, and we need you to tell us why we shouldn’t believe them again.

3. We genuinely don’t need a reason to be upset (in any mood), and it makes us trust you less when you yell at us that we do need a reason.

If we knew why we felt the way we did, we could try to fix it. We have a mood disorder, not an analysis-of-the-situation disorder. If we’re showing you we have a problem, don’t force us to talk about it before we’re ready. It just makes it worse, and we’ll lie about why we’re upset because we just want you to be happy there is a reason — even if there isn’t.

4. We feel like actors. A Lot. And we don’t want to “remove our mask.”

Feeling (hypo)manic? Better find a reason for putting in all the extra work, being extra chatty, being extra social. Feeling depressed? Better find a reason for feeling sad. Or, better find a way to hide it behind the words “tired,” “sick” and “allergies.” No one think to question the high-functioning worker or student. We blame it on too much caffeine, the hyper form of exhaustion, being excited for a goal or even wanting to get something done so you can do something else (the key “give aways” here are goal orientation and chaos). Everyone avoids the depressed, especially if it’s the grey-faced, bags-under-the-eyes, slow-as-molasses individuals who seem to act like that for days. Everyone asks about the first day: “What’s wrong?” “Need anything?” and so on. But even the answers to those are lies. “Just tired,” “stressed,” “coming down with something.” It’s easier to just go on with the lies than it is to explain everything to every person. Because inevitably we’ll get the “avoidance” treatment.

5. Looking at other, more successful people with bipolar disorder makes us feel like a disaster.

It is both a blessing and a curse to see the people who have come before (or are presently) and were (are) successful and bipolar. Van Gogh. Lovato. Van Damme. Cobain. Churchill. Nightingale. Sinatra.Woolf. Artists, singers, actors, leaders and more have graced history with their talents and their diagnoses.

Not everyone with bipolar disorder is going to become famous, and we know that. But it hurts quite a lot that some of the people who were most successful at their craft had it and we share a condition but not capabilities. It’s easy for us to start a painting or sculpture, musical instrument, novel, poem, whatever and then destroy it because we listen to the voice that says, “You’ll never get noticed.” While we’re happy for the successful people with bipolar disorder, we want to be like them too, and that may not happen.

6. We’re absolutely normal.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re completely “normal.” We eat, drink, breathe and exist the same as anyone else. But we do so in a broader spectrum. We experience great sorrow at the loss of a friend, freedom or innocence. We experience great anger at perceived injustices, at inequality. We experience pure joy at the birth of our best friend’s first child, at the sight of a rainbow or a thunderstorm, at the realization that we succeeded at a task we’d never tried before. Where other people may feel confused, we feel it more. Where others may feel concern, we feel the weight of the world. It’s not about the Hollywood stereotype of the best-friend-turned-serial-killer. We have jobs we fight desperately to keep, we have friends and families and we go to school. Just the same as any body else. We just live it more.

7. We become specialists in our diagnoses, and we don’t appreciate being compared to your “crazy aunt” or your “moody neighbor.”

It’s nice when people have had genuine contact or a relationship with someone who actually had bipolar disorder. It’s nice to know if you have an episode, you can talk to them and they can help you through it. It isn’t at all nice when people pretend they understand. We aren’t like your “crazy aunt” who threw your uncle’s things out of the house because he broke her favorite plate. And we aren’t like your “moody neighbor” who doesn’t smile when you say good morning and cackles over his cup of black coffee at a kid who falls off their bike. We just experience life in a deeper spectrum (see number 6).

And while we’re on the topic, stop calling the weather “bipolar.” That’s offensive to the people who actually have bipolar. We get it, you have problems with the weather. Bipolar disorder has the capacity to destroy our lives. Pack a sweater and an umbrella. You’ll be fine.

8. We could write a dissertation on suicide and the types of suicidal tendencies.

Everyone, just about, is familiar with the concept of suicide, and there may even be people who have experience with it on a more personal basis. A person with bipolar is likely to have thought about, if not tried, suicide. But there’s more to it than being depressed and then dying. There’s plenty more motives than people want to discuss. And then there are the latent forms of suicidal tendencies. Because most people are familiar with the “I don’t want to live anymore” version. Not as many people think about the “I want to sleep and not wake up” kind or the “I wish I could just cease to be” kinds. We could write novels about this subject in particular.

9. We go between being really proud of who we are and feeling like a giant mistake.

We know it’s a hassle. But some days we wake up feeling like we run the world. And those days are so few and far between that we run with them in the farthest possible manner. Because soon enough, we know there will come a day when we just can’t seem to do anything right. It isn’t that the days when we feel epic are the truth and the other days are lies. It’s more fluid, more layered than that. We are experts at living in all the times (past, present and future). So when we say “We rock,” we feel we have reached a milestone of success which can be seen at that moment. When we say “we suck” it is because at that moment all we can see are the failures. It doesn’t mean we’re completely failures or completely successes — it’s just what looks more prevalent at that particular moment.

10. We don’t know how to live our lives.

The sentence that seems to pop up the most lately is “adulting is hard.” There are even renditions which say “I’m done adulting. If you want me, I’ll be in my pillow fort with my coloring book.” At some point, we have to realize we have absolutely no idea what we’re doing. We can find things that help us manage our symptoms safely and in a positive way. We can avoid triggers. We can accept only what we can reasonably handle. But in the end, we don’t know what we’re doing. There is no manual for living with bipolar disorder. And even if there was, not everyone is the same, so it might not work for us. Funnily enough though, not too many people (with and without the diagnosis) know how to live their lives. People with bipolar disorder may be the first to admit what everyone is feeling. No one knows what’s going on. And that’s part of the fun.

Follow this journey on To Be an Equal.

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

The Crisis Text Line is looking for volunteers! If you’re interesting in becoming a Crisis Counselor, you can learn more information here.

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10 Lies My Mania Tells Me

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Manic episodes are like a high I don’t want to come down from at the time. Realistically, I know that how I feel when I’m manic isn’t the right or healthy way to feel. But when mania takes over, any healthy or realistic thought goes out the window. Mania lies to me and tries to make me do things that are foolish and sometimes dangerous. I’ve learned what these lies are, and have learned to look out for them when I’m manic so I can stop them before they start. There are 10 lies mania tells me to try and get me into trouble.

1. “You don’t need your medication.”

Mania tries to get me to believe my medication isn’t working, or that I have no need to take it because I’m doing fine on my own. This is one of the most dangerous lies, because if my bipolar disorder were to go untreated, I would be unstable and unable to care for myself properly.

2. “Don’t slow down.”

Whether it’s my speech or my actions, I’m always in fast-forward when I’m manic. Mania tells me this is the best way to be and that I will get more done or get more words in if I don’t slow down. Not only can this annoy others, but it can run me down pretty quickly.

3. “Your doctor doesn’t really know anything.”

Another dangerous lie. When I’m manic, I start to believe that my doctor just wants to medicate me into a vegetative state and that he really doesn’t care about my true well-being. In reality, I would be in bad shape without my doctor and the help he has provided me.

4. “You need to drive faster.”

I hear this lie when I’m in the car, sitting in city traffic, or on a country road alone. This is a self-destructive lie, and ties in with the next one.

5. “You can’t get hurt.”

Mania wants me to think I am impervious to injury, like a car accident, and illness, like my bipolar disorder. Because of this lie, I have acted impulsively and not taken proper precautions when I was starting to get sick.

6. “You should be angry.”

I overreact when I’m manic, and mania tells me that’s OK. I say hurtful things and act in malicious ways and that is not me. Mania tries to ruin my relationships and alienate my loved ones, but I’ve learned not to let it.

7. “What you’re seeing is real.”

There has been one instance in my life when I hallucinated while manic. Mania messed with my mind so much that I believed something was there that really wasn’t. Now I know that I if I see something odd while manic, I need to stop and question it.

8. “You can accomplish anything and everything.”

Mania tells me it is possible to complete my five-year plan in just one day. It tells me I can do my monthly cleaning list in just a few hours. This is just another way that mania makes me think unrealistically, and leaves me disappointed when I don’t succeed.

9. “You don’t need sleep.”

When I’m experiencing a manic episode, sleep is the last thing on my mind. I want to go, go, go and do, do, do, and I believe that sleep will interfere and slow me down. I need rest, especially when I’m manic, because if I become sleep-deprived I will make dumb or risky decisions because I can’t think clearly.

10. “Safe sex is boring.”

Impulsivity is what I struggle with most when it comes to mania. This means I will engage in sexual relationships in unsafe ways because I think if I don’t I’m not fun or I am boring. This isn’t true in the slightest, because unsafe sex doesn’t make me fun, it makes me foolish. There are so many negative consequences to unsafe sex I don’t see when I’m manic, including how I will feel the next day.

Mania is not my friend. She is the mean girl at school who pretends to be my friend and then goes into the bathroom and talks behind my back. Mania is a liar, and doesn’t care about me or my well-being. It’s taken me a few manic episodes to pick up on these lies and put them to bed, but I’ve done it. It’s so important not to listen to the lies if I want to stay on track with my mental health, and if I want to have good relationships and realistic thoughts. My mental health is what is most important, not the risky, foolish, and dangerous fun that mania wants me to have.

The Mighty is asking the following: For someone who doesn’t understand what it’s like to have your mental illness, describe what it’s like to be in your head for a day. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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When I Asked Myself, 'Was I a Bad Kid? Or Was That My Bipolar Disorder?'

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I have a confession to make. I was not an easy child to raise. Sure, every kid has their moments… But I seemed to always be having a moment. I was the kid that got off the school bus sobbing because one of the kids at school was bullying me and then bam! Just hours later, I had punched my sister — again.

My parents were not the kind that called that “girls being girls” or simply “sibling rivalry.” They made sure I didn’t get away with it. Despite how much I hated getting in trouble, I am thankful my parents set clear rules and consequences. But why then — if I knew I would be punished — was I always getting into trouble?

I remember one summer when I was younger, grade four or five maybe… I had been invited to go to a birthday party. I spent the whole month counting down the days and I was so excited to go. That morning I woke up and I was miserable. Not cranky or moody… Just outright unreasonably miserable. I was rude. I picked fights. My mom warned me not once, not twice but three times that if I didn’t stop, I was not going to that birthday party. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe her. I did. The fear of not being able to see my friends and missing out was there. But for some reason, as though I couldn’t even control it, I gave my mother one more reason to follow through on that threat. It was not an empty one. I missed out on that birthday party, and it wasn’t the only time this sort of thing happened.

Looking back on these times, I remember thinking to myself, “You gotta stop. You’re gonna get in trouble. You know the rules!” But it was like I had no control over it. But what mother is going to believe their child when they say “Mom, I didn’t mean to!” Why would anyone automatically assume that the kid actually had no control over their actions? And as a child and eventually a teenager, that feeling of lack of control only grew — yet there was no way to really articulate it to anyone else.

Having been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 20 years old, a lot of things from my past suddenly make sense. I can clearly see the times where I was hypomanic and the times when I was severely depressed. It got me thinking back to my childhood and how my bipolar disorder was probably always there. If only we had known.

I don’t blame my parents — in fact, I am thankful for them. Without even knowing it, they protected me from my bipolar disorder. They helped me manage it without even knowing it was there. It wasn’t until I became an adult and was left to my own devices that I was finally diagnosed.

I read an article recently that discusses the signs of mental illness in children and I encourage parents to read it, too. But more importantly, I want to thank you for being there for your children. Do not be discouraged. When they become adults, they will come back to you and thank you for being there and loving them. It just takes time — just ask my mom!

The Mighty is asking the following: Were you diagnosed with your disease, disability and/or mental illness as an adult? Tell us about the moment you finally got your diagnosis. Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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23 Things About Bipolar Disorder Nobody Talks About

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How much do you know about bipolar disorder? You might mention the mood swings. The depression. The mania that follows.

If you don’t live with it, or know a loved one who lives with it, that’s likely where your knowledge stops.

But what else is important about bipolar disorder that we don’t talk about? To honor Mental Health Awareness Month, we teamed up with the International Bipolar Foundation to explore the unspoken corners of bipolar disorder, and asked what parts of bipolar disorder really need awareness not just this month, but every month.

Here’s what they had to say:

1. “The effects of various types of medications — from weight gain (or loss) to ‘brain fog,’ forgetfulness, word-finding difficulties… It’s frustrating and can lower your self-esteem.”

2. “It seems like no one, including doctors, wants to discuss the ‘hyper-sexuality
that can come along with bipolar mania. This can be a very shameful part of the illness. It can cause serious damage to the person suffering.”

3. “Manic states aren’t fun, like many think. You can become self-destructive, and often impulsive decisions are made that have potentially devastating consequences. It can be overwhelming to deal with racing thoughts, and I get incredibly irritable. I think mania reduces my inhibitions and I get aggravated much more easily. I also don’t sleep much at all when I’m manic. It’s not a euphoria for me, and it’s often followed by severe depression.”

4. “The media portrayal of the illness is very narrow. It focuses on the acute stage of mania and depression and rarely acknowledges that patients have stable moods and their symptoms can be in remission for a good deal of time.”

5. “Having bipolar can lead to darkness in your life. Mental illness is just as deadly as many other life-threatening diseases.”

6. “People don’t talk about how it actually feels to have bipolar. People talk about signs and symptoms, but not what it actually feels like going through them. How frightening it is to have it, how totally out of control it makes you feel. People without it don’t see it as debilitating — they know it as a ‘mood swing’ when it’s so much more.”

7. “People need to understand it is not an excuse, it is a disorder. Read about it before you judge.”

8. “I think nobody talks about the difference between our mood swings and our actual emotions we feel as human beings. I have encountered my legitimate feelings being mistaken for my mental illness. I feel like my mental illness gets blamed for anything negative I’m going through, taking away my right as a human being to feel those emotions.”

9. “The mixed episodes are rarely mentioned. People without bipolar often assume there’s only two phases, mania and depression, and they present in specific ways with specific symptoms. However, each episode can present itself uniquely and aren’t always pure mania or pure depression.”

10. “I’m very open about my bipolar disorder, but I never talk about hallucinations. People can handle when you explain highs and lows, but trying to explain hallucinations when manic is just a recipe for disaster.”

11. “It can take many years to get an accurate diagnosis and then find and receive a treatment plan that helps. Many patients suffer from co-disorders such as addictions. People, in general, don’t want to talk about bipolar disorder and tend to shun those who suffer from the illness.”

12. “The suicidal depression or the life-wrecking mania… they both affect everyone who loves you.”

13. “It is amazing how quick you can feel OK on meds and your mind says, maybe you don’t need this stuff. And then you’re manic or hyper-manic, which at some point will result in the dreadful depression — back at square one again.”

14. “You shed so many tears from pure frustration because no matter how hard you try, sometimes the anxiety and depression won’t let up. You try to be strong in public, but in private you roll up into a ball in anxiety and fear.”

15. “I hate the frightening paranoid symptoms — feeling unable to trust people, not feeling safe and in fear for my life.”

16. “There’s a stereotype of the manic-pixie girl who’s so mysterious and cool because of her illness. Stop romanticizing bipolar disorder. It is nowhere near glamorous.”

17. “Trying to decide which is more damaging to your marriage: medication side effects or unmedicated illness. Ever since I started medication years ago, I have had zero sexual desire.”

18.Children can have bipolar disorder, and even though the symptoms are different in children, it’s still a devastating illness for both the child and the family.”

19. “The awkward shift when you’re not up or down, but moving either up or down. The in between valley and plateau period. The time where you’re unsure how low you may go or how manic you may get.”

20. “Bipolar disorder is different for each person who has it.”

21. “People refer to bipolar disorder as another word for mood swings. It’s so much more than that. Also, no one talks about the impact it has on families, not just the individual.”

22. “People with bipolar disorder can have children and be good parents. It’s not easy by any means, but it’s possible with a support system you trust, made up of mental health professionals and loved ones. Having my girls was the hardest but most rewarding decision of my life. They are my light through the darkest of days.”

23. “The importance of a establishing a crisis action plan. Knowing who to call, where to go and giving prior consent to those in your support system to intervene during times of crisis.”

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

The Crisis Text Line is looking for volunteers! If you’re interesting in becoming a Crisis Counselor, you can learn more information here.

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Dear Me: A Letter to Myself on My Dark Days

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Dear me,

Remember your favorite quote? “The greater your storm, the brighter your rainbow.”

Right now you’re in the middle of another storm, another depressive episode that’s part of your bipolar disorder. You’ve been through a lot of these — so many that it’s become a routine. Part of that routine is forgetting how to pull yourself out of the dark, so I’m going to remind you.

It’s OK to be sad. Keeping your feelings bottled up will only make you feel worse. Cry if you need to, stay in bed a little longer and skip your shower for a day. You can sit in the dark for a little while, but remember not to let the darkness sit on you for too long. At some point during this storm, you have to pull out your umbrella and your galoshes and walk through it.

You need encouragement right now, and I’m sorry those close to you don’t always realize that. I wish you could ask them for what you need: comfort, conversation and kindness. But asking for help has always been hard for you. You try to weather the storm alone even when the wind is strong and you need something to hold onto. I encourage you to reach out this time, and grab hold of whoever is there.

Don’t forget what you’ve learned in counseling. You have coping skills to use to help you get through this: journaling, coloring and playing with your cats. Don’t forget to eat. I know you don’t feel hungry, but if you want to feel better, your body needs nourishment. I know it’s hard, but don’t sleep too much. I know your bad thoughts go away when you’re sleeping, but you know how important it is to be awake and face those thoughts and do what you can to replace them with positive, more realistic thoughts. You know cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and even have an automatic thought chart. Use it! You keep it for times just like this.

You’re getting better at staying safe during the storm. You take your medication, you don’t miss any appointments with your counselor and you try to remember your coping skills. You still have a lot to work on, so you feel better sooner and don’t sit in the dark for so long. You are learning to put on your raincoat and step outside, but you haven’t begun to walk in the rain yet. You will get there. You can do it. You may get a little wet, but that’s what your raincoat, your coping mechanisms, are for.

This storm will pass, like the others do, and you will feel better. You’ll pull yourself out of the darkness and into the light and get better and faster at doing so every time. You are stronger than you think, smarter than you let yourself show and more beautiful than you realize. You have four kitty cats who love to snuggle, a daughter who consistently makes you smile and hobbies you enjoy. When the storm is over, you will return to those things a happy and bright young woman, stronger now than you were before this particular depressive episode.

I want you to reread this letter the next time depression hits, and the time after that, and the time after that. There’s no shame in needing reminding of these things because one day you won’t need the reminder. You’ll keep getting stronger, grow better at identifying your triggers and you’ll stop the darkness before it stops you. I have faith you can do this. I know you can. Just don’t give up, and remember you are not alone. You are fully equipped to weather the storm now, galoshes, raincoat, umbrella and all. Just don’t forget them the next time there’s a storm.

Love,
You

If you or someone you know needs help, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741-741. Head here for a list of crisis centers around the world.

The Crisis Text Line is looking for volunteers! If you’re interesting in becoming a Crisis Counselor, you can learn more information here.

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