Life as an Asexual Aspie


“Why don’t you like boys?” was a question kids at school often asked me. The truth was, I simply wasn’t interested in them in “that” way.

I remember being in middle school and suddenly the other girls started noticing boys and worrying about how they looked in their eyes. “Why?” I wondered. Crushes seemed foreign and weird to me. Boys were cool, but I was content with being friends with them. They were into a lot of the same things I was, like video games and playing outside. I didn’t have the time or desire for makeup and being popular. I certainly wasn’t about to go all ga-ga over a boy.

asexual flag
The asexual flag

High school came, and more and more of my peers started dating. The idea still didn’t enthuse me at all. It honestly seemed too close for comfort. Kissing and cuddling? The thought made me shudder. I had to explain myself more and more to others, who continued to be puzzled by my place in it all.

College was no different. I focused on my classes, and of course, my video games! I was sometimes teased at work because I’d never dated, and I didn’t have the same appreciation for perverted jokes some of my co-workers would make. The good thing was we all still managed to get along, despite my sticking out like a sore thumb at times.

Finally a few years ago, after having spent about 30 years on this earth without ever having been interested in the opposite gender, and the fact I’d always been disgusted by (nor understood) anything of a “suggestive” nature, my family pointed out to me that I was asexual. I thought about it and realized, “I guess I am! That makes total sense!” I later realized I was also aromantic, given the fact I’d never wanted to date.

Belonging to various groups that aren’t the stereotypical “norm” has sure made for an interesting life! Though I didn’t learn a lot of this information until later, it put a lot of things into perspective. I learned I have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety and attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) at 25. I learned I was asexual and aromantic at about 30. Finally, I learned I was autistic just before my 31st birthday. I’m proud of who I am, and I wouldn’t be who I am today had any one of these facets not been in the picture.

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