Why I Seek Out Things That Will Make Me Cry
Weddings, graduations and animals being adopted all make me cry. Sometimes I watch videos of soldiers coming home to their families because I know the tears will flow like water from a faucet. You may think it’s odd that I actually want to cry. You may think I’m trying to make myself sad, but not all tears come from sadness. I cry happy, relieving and comforting tears, and I do it because ultimately, it makes me feel better.
Crying reminds me I’m human when I feel like a medicated robot. It shows me I am capable of emotional expression when I think my mental illness controls my emotions. It reminds me I am not my illness, and I am in control of myself. Crying also assures my close friends and family that I am not a robot, because I know they worry that the medication I take makes me that way.
When I cry, I release everything. All of my bad thoughts and unpleasant feelings empty out through my tears onto the floor, and stay there.
When I cry, I feel lighter, and less burdened by my stressors. It feels so good to let go of everything that has been plaguing me.
Crying ends my suffering, if only temporarily. And then, when I feel my suffering return, I know it’s time for a good cry.
Being unafraid of a good cry shows me my strength and pushes me to move forward. Crying reminds me I don’t need to be afraid of my emotions. It prevents me from holding them in and letting them settle deep in my gut.
Crying is a pure and healthy response to physical and emotional triggers. Not all of those triggers are sad; in fact, I cry better when I’m over-the-moon happy. Happy tears are my favorite and make me feel so much better when I’m struggling.
It sounds silly, crying on purpose. But crying has a purpose. It relieves me, purifies me and reminds me I am human.
Crying is not a sign of weakness. Crying is my way of letting go and gaining strength I’d thought I’d lost. Crying for a moment allows me to use my strength to get up and keep fighting my mental illness. And so I will continue to cry, and I will continue to feel better when I do.
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