A Love Letter to My Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Dear Anxious Mind,
You’re wearing me out. The late night sob sessions for no reason, the constant fear of dying and the second guessing every word that comes out of my mouth.
People don’t understand our relationship. They don’t understand how controlling you are. They don’t understand how even though I try to flip a switch and turn you off, I can’t. They think I can break up with you and leave you behind, finally free to live a “normal” life.
You and I both know that I’m stuck with you.
And after years of hating you, I’ve decided to thank you and learn to love you.
Because of you, I am an incredible friend. I know what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the night and feel like you have lost every person you have ever loved. I always send a goodnight text, and I always text good morning. My friends never fail to realize I love them, even if my love bombing gets too much sometimes.
Because of you, I don’t take anyone for granted. I obsess over what my life would be like if I lost those I care about. I never fail to realize every small thing someone does for me, and I make sure to stay thankful.
Because of you, I have learned to articulate my feelings. I had to because I sure have a lot of them all the time.
Because of you, I have become brave. I have developed a rarely penetrated thick skin. What happens in my brain on an hourly basis is 100 times worse than what happens in real life. Once I learned how to survive my mind, surviving life became a lot easier.
Because of you, I have learned that even though life is imperfect and people are flawed, there is beauty to be found in everything.
If you want to take a short vacation, I won’t complain. But I promise I will stay thankful for everything you’ve taught me.
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