Man looking down with his hand on his head

To Someone I Love Struggling With Chronic Pain


To someone I love struggling with chronic pain,

You wake up in pain. You go about your day in pain. You go to sleep in pain. You say your life is mostly misery. I wish I could take all of it away. I wish I knew the cure or even a way to lessen your pain. I wish I could fix it. I wish you at least felt loved.

You might think everyone around you is frustrated and mad at you because we don’t care.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

We are not mad at you. We are indeed frustrated, but not at you and not because we don’t care. It’s because we care so very much for you that we’re so frustrated with what you’re experiencing.

It’s not fair what’s happening to you, that life has left you with so many challenges. It’s not fair we can’t fix it. It’s unnerving to be so helpless. I know I can’t fix it. I can’t do a damn thing for your pain.

All I can do is not give up on you.

I can listen when you need to talk.

I can talk when you need a distraction.

I can cry for you and send all my positive energy your way.

I can’t help but feel like you still have life left to live, that you’re not finished doing everything you want to do. I’m not done learning all I can learn from you.

So I will continue doing everything I can for you, even if those things are seemingly small and insignificant. They are the only things I can do and they allow me to feel like I’m doing something at least.

Please know how loved you are. How grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, everything you continue to do. Know when I lose my patience, it’s not with you, but with the situation. Know even though I can’t feel your physical pain, I can see it and what it’s doing to you and I ache with you. I don’t doubt for even a second that you’re feeling all the things you say you are, things I wouldn’t wish on any human being, especially one so dear to me. Know my heart breaks for you daily and any anger that comes from me is just part of the grieving process. Know if there was anything I could do to stop your pain, I would do it without hesitation. Know that I love you and will never give up.

Follow this journey on Mel’s Empty Journal

The Mighty is asking the following: Tell us one thing your loved ones might not know about your experience with disability, disease or mental illness. What would you say to teach them? Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

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