To Someone I Love Struggling With Chronic Pain

To someone I love struggling with chronic pain,

You wake up in pain. You go about your day in pain. You go to sleep in pain. You say your life is mostly misery. I wish I could take all of it away. I wish I knew the cure or even a way to lessen your pain. I wish I could fix it. I wish you at least felt loved.

You might think everyone around you is frustrated and mad at you because we don’t care.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

We are not mad at you. We are indeed frustrated, but not at you and not because we don’t care. It’s because we care so very much for you that we’re so frustrated with what you’re experiencing.

It’s not fair what’s happening to you, that life has left you with so many challenges. It’s not fair we can’t fix it. It’s unnerving to be so helpless. I know I can’t fix it. I can’t do a damn thing for your pain.

All I can do is not give up on you.

I can listen when you need to talk.

I can talk when you need a distraction.

I can cry for you and send all my positive energy your way.

I can’t help but feel like you still have life left to live, that you’re not finished doing everything you want to do. I’m not done learning all I can learn from you.

So I will continue doing everything I can for you, even if those things are seemingly small and insignificant. They are the only things I can do and they allow me to feel like I’m doing something at least.

Please know how loved you are. How grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, everything you continue to do. Know when I lose my patience, it’s not with you, but with the situation. Know even though I can’t feel your physical pain, I can see it and what it’s doing to you and I ache with you. I don’t doubt for even a second that you’re feeling all the things you say you are, things I wouldn’t wish on any human being, especially one so dear to me. Know my heart breaks for you daily and any anger that comes from me is just part of the grieving process. Know if there was anything I could do to stop your pain, I would do it without hesitation. Know that I love you and will never give up.

Follow this journey on Mel’s Empty Journal

The Mighty is asking the following: Tell us one thing your loved ones might not know about your experience with disability, disease or mental illness. What would you say to teach them? Check out our Submit a Story page for more about our submission guidelines.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Chronic Pain

young woman standing in field

When Chronic Pain Took Away My Identity

On February 7, 2013, I woke up, got dressed, went to class like any normal college student and returned home. I went for a jog and did some studying in the duplex I lived in that I had nicknamed “The Cave.” There was only one window in the common area of our part of the [...]
Portrait of stressed young woman.

Inside the Mind of Someone With an Undiagnosed Pain Condition

There are many emotions that come with having an undiagnosed pain condition. For me, the most prominent emotion is fear, because I am in so much pain all of the time and have no idea what is causing it. This makes my mind race, constantly worrying and thinking of the worst possible scenarios. I then obsess trying to [...]
Seedlings growing up from the soil.

The 'Greatest Gift' That Gives Me Hope as I Battle Chronic Pain

Last night my husband Eric helped me outside, bundled me in the wheelchair and wheeled me about four houses down the block. Other than little trips to sit in our front bench or back deck, this was my first foray into the outside world in seven days. So you can imagine it was glorious. The world of evening spring grabbed us [...]
Doctor hand writing a medical prescription with pill bottle and stethescope

To Anyone Who Has the Power to Help People With Chronic Pain

There are those of us who simply can’t just bury our heads in the sand. There are those of us who are depended upon. There are those who can’t ignore the pain because they live with it every minute of every day with no way to turn it off. There are those of us who [...]