Don’t Tell Me You're Sorry, Because I Am Not Sorry
When you tell me you are sorry, I wonder what for? Is it that I have overcome so much? Or maybe that I have learned to appreciate the small things in life? Maybe it is because I have found my passion in life?
If you are sorry for me, you lack the ability to see everything that has made me who I am. I have never questioned why I was born into an imperfect body. In fact, I believe it is my biggest blessing. My strength, compassion, values, and my bonds to my friends and family are all born out of the fact that I have been fighting congenital heart disease from the day I was born.
I could sit around and sulk and feel sorry for myself, but what good does that do me? It would only drag me down. I am not going to lie, it is not always easy to stay positive on the bad days. When I don’t get out of bed, I feel weak. But even in those moments I don’t feel sorry for myself, but rather a disappointment that I cannot be stronger.
This may seem like some overly optimistic falsification of my true feelings, but it is the truth. It reminds me of a quote from Steve Jobs, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them
looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” It is amazing as I look backwards how all my dots have connected to make my life beautiful. I trust that my dots will continue to connect in the future. In 10 or 20 years I know the alignment of those dots will be even more beautiful.
When you hit hard times I won’t tell you I am sorry, but I will offer my hand to lift you up however I can. I hope in those moments you can learn to understand everything that is great about life, and appreciate the small things, just as I have. Unfortunately, it often takes these life-altering events for most people to realize all that is precious in life. That is why I count my challenges as a blessing. I don’t wish hard times upon you, but I do wish you could see life with my perspective.
So don’t tell me you are sorry. Tell me you are proud of me. Tell me you pray for my continued health. Tell me I inspire you. Tell me you love me. Tell me to keep going after my dreams. But don’t tell me you feel sorry for me, because then I know you are missing the point.
Joe was born with a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. He required his first open-heart surgery at 54 hours old and suffered a stroke after surgery. He has now had four open-heart surgeries, the last two days before his 30th birthday. He has struggled with anxiety for most of his life and believes a strong mind and building a team with a roster full of supporters is the key to successfully living with a chronic illness. He is a Board Certified Patient Advocate for families, children, and adults with congenital heart disease—helping them to navigate the emotions, diagnoses, and challenges they face in finding and understanding appropriate CHD care.
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