3 Negative Thoughts Depression Brings -- and My Responses
The thing I seem to struggle the most with in my depression so far has been how irrational my thoughts can be. They all seem to get blown up into big problems that don’t really exist but seem quite real to me. Here are a few of the thoughts I am currently dealing with; I am going to try and rationalize them in hopes of convincing myself they hold very little truth.
Negative thought #1: Nobody cares.
I feel like nobody cares lately. It feels like all of my feelings and concerns get brushed off and belittled instead of acknowledged and validated. It feels like everyone is tired of listening and done trying to help and that they are seeing how hopeless I am.
It’s a busy month. Everyone has a lot going on, myself included. I still constantly get checked in with — I just tell everyone I’m fine, which is why they are now asking less. I have amazing people who care and would be there for me in a heartbeat in a situation where I needed them. If I were to ask for help outright, instead of just thinking about it, I would have people there to help me. I have tons of people in my corner, I just need to ask when I need them there.
Negative thought #2: I am falling apart and everyone can tell.
I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown all the time. I feel like I am going to melt down and cry at any moment, so I don’t talk to try and hold myself together. I snap at anyone who talks to me because being angry is easier than being sad. Everyone thinks I am mean and horrible and broken because I can barely get through a full day of work, never mind an entire week. I’m sure they’re all talking about me and how I’ve been lately.
I smile at work all day. I make small talk, I do my work I’m just quieter. Most days I can keep it together enough to laugh and make jokes and have it all seem OK. If there were people talking about me, I know it would be out of concern because that’s the kind of people I work with, the kind who care. I sometimes snap but always apologize and make a conscious effort to do better. I am trying my absolute best, and that is all I can do.
Negative thought #3: I am never going to get better.
I have this thought almost every day. Sometimes it’s a quiet thought at the end of a long day, and sometimes it’s a shouting voice in my head the moment I open my eyes in the morning. Lately it has been the latter. I can’t handle having to change medications again so I guess that means this is the way I am going to feel forever. I can’t handle the thought of this never going away. What am I going to do?
Not every day is bad. I have plenty of good moments to be thankful for, and during those moments I feel like I could probably do this. Things are not easy all the time, but they are much better than they used to be. Change is gradual, it’s all baby steps. I am not going to get better overnight, I need to keep trekking on.
This is a reminder to anyone who has ever had thoughts like these intrude your brain. You get to challenge them. All of my positive thoughts apply to you too; I am sure some of them are true to your life. Writing them out has helped me immensely, even if I don’t always believe them as I’m writing them.
Depression likes to play mind games. Be careful which thoughts you let in, and which you shut out.
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