My depression is the bad guy in this story: the thief, the liar, the beast. It ties me to a chair and holds me in a dark room until I succumb to its wishes: to be sad, feel worthless and stay in bed all day. It forces itself into my mind, trying to control me, but the tables have turned!
I gain control of my mind, turn on depression and lock it away. As I do, I name my list of demands:
1. You will not steal my joy.
I will not let you prevent me from being happy. I will smile. I will laugh, and I will mean it.
2. You will not glue me to my bed.
I will find the strength to throw back the covers and put my feet on the floor.
3. You will not isolate me.
I will shower and do my hair. I will grab my bag and head out the door. You are not invited.
4. You will not make me binge-eat.
I will not fill the emptiness you cause with food, even though you try to force me to.
5. You will not distort my body image.
I will not allow you to replace my mirrors with those from a fun house.
6. You will not make me lose interest.
I will ignore you when you tell me that my hobbies and interests are useless. I will do them anyway.
7. You will not control my thoughts.
I will not succumb to your negativity. I will journal out my thoughts even when you try to keep them in.
8. You will not make it hard to concentrate.
I will still read. I will still write, and I will not let you distract me.
9. You will not mess up my sleep.
I will not oversleep and I will not let you keep me up all night. I will combat your fight with my sleep. I will win.
10. You will not make me irritable.
I will take deep breaths and think before I speak. I will not let you lie by telling me my loved ones are annoying when they are trying to help me.
I am the hero of this story. I tame the beast, catch the thief and don’t believe the lies. Depression tries to force itself on me, but I am stronger and force depression back to where it came from. I will not let depression impede on my life and will not let it hold me down. I have a few last words for my depression: You will not stop me!
Madelyn is a 24-year-old single mother of a beautiful 1-year-old genius. She enjoys coffee, maxi skirts, scary movies and long naps. She’s currently trying to break into the blogging world and help break the stigma of mental illness. She battles Bipolar I Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Postpartum Depression and ADHD.
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