What You Should Know About Living With a Mental Illness That's Here to Stay
It’s OK, I thought. I’ve been here before.
It was while recovering from my second major episode of psychosis with mania that I realized I would be managing this illness for the rest of my life. The feelings that had accompanied the episode had been familiar this time. Looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself, the bizarre thoughts coming fast and wild, the keyed up, unboundless energy, the fear of sleep.
I approached my recovery with confidence. It had been five years since my last episode and I knew what worked for me last time would work again. I refused to be beaten by this illness.
Accepting that my condition is lifelong is difficult at times. Sometimes, I think other people in my life forget it is something I am facing every day. Yes, I am doing well. I am coping, today.
Here are a five things I wish other people understood that come along with living with bipolar every day, for the rest of my life:
1. I am always thinking about my illness because I have to.
Staying well takes commitment. I have to look after my health daily to stay well, and staying well for me is vital. If I’m not well, then I’m unwell. I have to get a good sleep, eat well, exercise, get fresh air, spend time for relaxation, meditate, engage with others, attend medical appointments and take my medication. I am scared to let any of these pillars of health slip because for me the risk is too great.
2. Taking medication sucks.
Keeping track of doses, prescriptions, side effects, blood level checks and not forgetting to take it is more than inconvenient. It hurts to think I’m dependent on those pills. I wish I didn’t have to put drugs in my body, and I can’t help but resent that it’s something I’ll probably have to do the rest of my life. However, it’s necessary, and for me it works. So I try not to complain.
3. I worry about what people think.
I am lucky I am surrounded by amazing people who understand and support me including my family, friends and colleagues. However, I worry about whether or not to disclose my illness to people who don’t know, as I am never really sure if they will understand. I wish I could be more open with people in my life.
4. It can be tiring.
If I say I need a day off, then I really mean it. Some days I just need to check out and recharge. Please, don’t think I’m lazy or making excuses.
5. I will never “get better.”
I have accepted this is part of my life. I need you to as well. Please, don’t put pressure on me to “get better” or think because I am well today that my illness has gone away. It is always going to be there for me. It is manageable. I am OK with it, but this is something I live with. I need you to be OK with it too and not wish I was different.
Image via Thnikstock.