Dear Depression, You Will Not Win
You will not win. Sometimes you’re deceptive and it appears as if you’re winning and sometimes you are winning, but I’m known for my good comebacks and in the end I’ll win. You try to play these manipulative games where you isolate each and every one of your “players” by making them feel alone and as if they are the only ones in this malicious game of yours. You don’t fool us. We come together each and every day and there’s a certain power and resilience that forms when people come together. We are not playing this game alone, we are playing as a team. And as a person on this team who came very close to quitting this game we call life, here is what I want to say to my teammates:
I was on the bridge, very close to losing. Depression kept saying: “You’re in so much pain, this will take it all away. Just jump. There is no point in trying to fight any longer. It never gets better. I’ll keep coming back. What are you even living for? You are worthless, unlovable and can never ever do anything right. Just jump. It’s time.”
Do you think I don’t recognize these thoughts? This is you talking, not me. You are like a cloud that comes down over my brain and masks what my true, authentic thoughts are. The real, logical thoughts. Your thoughts are false, even if I don’t believe this in the moment. I still don’t always believe I am worthy, lovable and able to make mistakes because that’s what it means to be human. But I’m learning. I am not you, depression. I am so much more than you. I have so much potential. I’m beautiful. I make a difference here on earth. The journey is not easy. It’s excruciatingly hard and sometimes it seems unbearable, but believe me, other people are aware of you, other people understand you and because of that connection we have, we are going to stay around and not let you beat us. Living for each other is enough right now, so we are going to fight you together.
Just because I struggle with you often does not mean I am ashamed of you. I am not embarrassed by you or feel as though I am crazy. You are an illness. You are just like any physical illness, except people stigmatize you because they just don’t understand. But I and everyone else you plague will be OK. We are taking it one day at a time.
Michelle, the warrior
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