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The Haze of Depression

The haze is waking up and knowing something’s not quite right today. 

The haze is not seeing clearly, not able to focus properly.

The haze is feeling disconnected from everyone and everything.

The haze is not knowing why you’re doing what you’re doing in life, why you live where you live, whether your worthy of the boyfriend you love. 

The haze can come on gradually or it can hit you like a ton of s**t. 

One day/minute you feel content that the decisions you’ve made to get you where you are today are the correct ones,

that you have wonderful friends and family who love you, 

that you’re a chatty, smiley and energetic person. 

The next minute it takes over like a dark cloud that has been waiting ominously on the horizon.

The haze is here.

The energy is sucked out of you. 

You have to force that smile, but it’s not the same smile. 

People say, “what’s up?” “cheer up,” “are you feeling OK?”

Sometimes it takes someone saying these things to make you realize you’re engulfed in the haze.

Things you’re normally good at, you normally enjoy, the things that make you you, feel forced, fake and unnatural. 

The haze makes you question whether you’ve ever been a happy, carefree person, if you’ve ever been good at your job, a loving girlfriend or a good singer. 

The haze is toxic. 

The good thing is the haze clears. Always. 

The bad thing is… it comes back. Always.