10 Ways I Know I'm Recovering From Depression
1. You are better at blinking back the tears when they start to well up at random times, and (most of the time) they don’t start rolling down your cheeks.
2. Feelings are conflicted when people invite you to socialize. You actually want to go and participate in things you used to enjoy, but you are still too exhausted to do much.
3. The percentage of new contacts in your phone of therapists, psychiatrists and people who you’ve met in treatment is 100.
4. Your desire to show your gratitude and appreciation for those who have stood by your side and spend time with them (actually holding conversations that don’t revolve around your feelings) increases exponentially.
5. As you are composing a top 10 list like this, you recognize you shouldn’t be using the word “you” and should be sharing personal experiences with “I.”
6. I recognize when I am choosing not to use skills I have learned, and I try my hardest not to let myself feel guilty about it. I also acknowledge when I need to take a step back, plan to start using them and hold myself accountable.
7. I am working on being comfortable and proud that I’ve been working two full weeks and making it. In the past, I would have found this embarrassing to admit since I felt this was something that would not be a particular accomplishment.
8. I am a proud alumna of a recovery program when I have never before referred to myself as such or attended an alumni event in my entire life. I had a great time going to dinner with other alumni the other night. Then, I attended a social, and I had a great time!
9. I am enjoying and being a part of life with family and friends. I don’t feel like I’m faking smiles, coming home and collapsing!
10. I am writing a blog post that tells the world I am confident that I am on a path to recovery from a long, harrowing episode of major depression. Also, I am finally believing that a post on fully recovering is a future possibility.
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Devi Knapp is a mother, wife and art educator. With a depressive episode that began in the summer of 2014 Devi finally had to come to terms with the fact that she had been living with both anxiety and major depressive disorder for almost 30 years untreated. When not at work or with her family and friends she can be found in therapy, blogging about the ups and downs of living with mental illness (Yet Another Hot Mess), doing photography, reading or baking.
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