How Do You Write the Chaos of Mental Illness?


There’s no way to get it organized. That’s the thing about depression, about anxiety. There’s no way to put it all out cleanly, clearly, on paper.

The big picture, with words in line with the way we feel. Because there are no words.
How does one write chaos? How does one draw emptiness?

There is no order in here. No control. A mind of frenzied bees and slithering snakes does little but burst in all directions, the soul screaming so loud in silence, for it has no words for this.

This headfirst spiral we tumble, the specter reality, it drenches and drowns us in despair, then hands us flowers and forces us back up again.

And so we write down words like “positive,” “can” and “will” on paper… “do,” “strong” and “survivor.” Until we find ourselves staring at the word “chaos.”

How does one write chaos?”

Image via Thinkstock.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Depression

woman sitting on a doc at sunset

Where There Is Light in the Darkness of Mental Illness

My anxiety and depression are like two monsters sitting on each of my shoulders, constantly bickering and disrupting my life. One wants my body kicked into overdrive and is hyperaware of every detail of every situation, while the other wants me to feel lethargic, apathetic and hopeless. Every day is a battle of feeling either [...]
meme that says every single day you make a choice

To the Person Who Thinks I Choose Not to Be Happy

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when something caught my attention. Someone had shared this picture: “Every single day you make a choice.” The person who shared it wrote something about how it is entirely your choice to be happy. As a human being with depression, I would like to respond to your post: [...]
two friends hugging in the park

To the Friend Who Hasn’t Let My Depression Tear Our Friendship Apart

Dear Friend, Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I had given up on myself. Thank you for encouraging me to make plans to see you and for never making me feel bad if I’m not able to. Thank you for understanding when your texts sometimes go unanswered for a few days, [...]
woman with her head down on the table sitting in front of her laptop

When Social Media Tells You to 'Choose Happiness' – but Depression Won’t Let You

With what feels like an ever-thickening smog of bad news in the air these days, cute little memes reminding us to “think positive” are all over my social media accounts. Well-intentioned friends are sharing the often-repeated advice to “choose happiness.” “Every morning you make a choice,” they say. “Choose to be happy today!” they exclaim. [...]