Why I Don't Want People to Understand My Depression

Depression is a hateful illness. It aims to isolate and beat you down. I often discuss my illness with other people and try to explain it, but the other day, I realized something.

I actually don’t wish anyone could understand what I go through with depression.

To understand would be to know how it feels. To imagine yourself in that person’s shoes. To have experienced those feelings at some time in your life.

I don’t want anyone to understand how alone you can feel, even when in a room with people who love and care for you.

I don’t want anyone to understand the feelings of self-hatred when your head is telling you you’re not good enough and that the world would be a better place without you in it.

I don’t want anyone to understand how horrible it is to lay on a sofa or in bed all day, wishing you could get up and just go for a walk.

I don’t want anyone to understand the exhaustion you feel at the end of every day. The struggle to stay awake all day, every day.

I don’t want anyone to understand how it feels to not be able to help yourself.

I don’t want anyone to understand how it feels to be so upset and despondent, and not have a single good reason as to why you feel like that.

I don’t want anyone to understand what I’m going through because I know how it feels, and I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anyone.

All I want is acceptance that I am doing my best to get better. Sometimes, I will need some help and love to get me through it.

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