How My Multiple Sclerosis Taught Me to Let Go of Negativity

I consider myself to be a positive person. I believe I am open, respectful, honest and generous. I live day to day achieving small tasks, completing chores, tending to my children’s happy life and my family’s love. I share my blessings with my neighbors and my community. I smile all day because I find it to be the best medicine for my multiple sclerosis (MS).

But occasionally, I feel uncomfortable. I feel overshadowed by a cynical strong force that is powerful and makes me look at life as a pessimistic endeavor. I don’t know if it is cyclical, symptomatic, random, contagious or has to do with the weather, but when it takes a hold of me, gloom will go to the destructive files in my subconscious.

When depression starts, it’s hard to stop it. It’s a tough adversary, but it’s not impossible to beat. I just have to recognize it, confront it and make a decision: Do I want to continue down this path? Or do I bring it to a standstill? I recently discovered that when my MS symptoms will act up, they remind me bliss is worth fighting for.

The other day I received a guest in my home. She’s a person I love and cherish. After we spoke of the usual pleasantries, she began to recall some unpleasant memories. She relived humiliating and painful moments that people around her provided. I felt empathy, I felt sad for her and then I got upset because she had to go through that.

I began to side with her and comfort her, but in doing so, I had opened my own archives, and I began to remember my share of undesirable moments, too. I told her everyone had a bully in their life — disrespectful people who try to impose their beliefs and empty people who felt better when they brought others down.

As I described my bully, I began to notice a familiar muscle spasm in my upper lip. My MS symptoms were activated by my negative state of mind. I put my hand over my lip and ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror. The skin under my nose made a profound dimple and continued pulsating very slowly. I also looked into my shocked eyes because I had received the message: My body was telling me to quit it. I breathed deeply and in my reflection, I said goodbye to negativity. The symptom stopped after a couple of minutes, and I felt empowered. I came back to the table, I offered some cookies and suggested we change the subject to something more lively. We had a very nice evening.

It’s very important to blow off steam, to liberate malicious energy from our bodies and to share and heal. But just as important as letting go, we also need to find our way back to happiness and fight to retain it for as long as possible. Again, I conclude that my disease is not my enemy. It is my teacher and partner in life.

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