My Sleepless Nights With Anxiety and Depression

I try to go to bed every night staring at the clock.

So much to do tomorrow, stay up all night, heart pounding, trying to breath, mind racing, staring at the ceiling, so much to do.

The time flies by. One…2… 3… 4… 5 a.m. The sun comes up, and I can finally close my eyes. Alarm goes off at 6:15. I can’t move. I need sleep. But I have so much to do. But I barely fell asleep.

That’s when depression hits. I don’t want to wash my face, I definitely can’t shower. So I lay there, worrying about how much I have to do today. I have no energy to do it. But now I can’t sleep cause my mind is racing again.

I found a comfort in being alone even though I have so many family and friends reach out. But no one understands.

“Why can’t you just get up?”

“Why can’t you just function like an adult, we all do it.”

“Just get it together,” they say…

I am in a battle with myself every day to be “normal” — or at least pretend to be.

I lost my mom to cancer two years ago. My mission in life was to help her, then I lost me, the happy driven person I used to be.

And I don’t know how to get her back.

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