'Something Isn’t Wrong With You, Something Happened to You'

Going through major depression is exhausting, terrifying and debilitating. I understand how you feel, isolated, like everyone around you is out there living, and you are just “existing.” And that’s OK, because you’re still here.

I’ve had major depression after a crisis of events that pushed me to the lowest point I have ever been in my life. It has been 34 days of a blur. I am on a mood stabilizer, a sleeping pill, a pill for panic attacks, vitamins because I can’t eat well and I go to therapy once a week. In the midst of all these changes, I am in my last semester of nursing school, a single mother and I am mentally and physically exhausted.

Depression is a horrible illness that takes over everything you do, your mind, your eating habits, your ability to get out bed… I know you feel so out of control of your thoughts and actions, because I feel the same way. I know how it feels to be doing everything “right” — getting on medication, therapy, trying to survive — and you still feel like something is wrong with you. But let me share these words with you: nothing is wrong with you, something has happened to you.

When my therapist first said these words to me, for the first time in weeks I felt a spark of belonging. The guilt the depression had put in my mind had subsided for a moment. I had kept repeating to myself, “I screwed everything up,” or “I just want to be alone because every time someone looks at me they can tell something is wrong with me.” All it took was someone reminding me I hadn’t caused all these things to happen — these circumstances had happened to me.

When you have depression it can be hard to think clearly. Of course I hadn’t caused all the horrible things that led to my depression — I just needed to realize that to work towards becoming a better me again.

Keep fighting with me.

“You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” — Mary Tyler Moore

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Depression

sad female student sitting on stairs while others move around her

When Depression Doesn't Look Like the Stock Photos

“Depression” often evokes images of someone staying in bed all day, someone who can’t leave the house, and someone who has difficulty functioning. While this can be the case for some, this is not the case for me. I’m a PhD student, and I go into the lab every day, often on weekends, too. I have a [...]
close up of an eye

When Anxiety and Depression Become All Too Familiar Friends

For me, my anxiety has always been there. In the back of my head, in my shaking hands, in my racing heartbeat and sweaty palms. That whispering voice in the back of my mind telling me, “They don’t really like you,” “You’re making a fool of yourself,” “No one could ever love you,” “You’re only [...]
Desperate woman getting support from her best friend

When You See Someone Struggling With Depression in Silence

When I was 15, I had only been in my English class for a few months when my teacher called me to stay behind after class. I remember how high my anxiety rose. Was I in trouble? What she said brought me to tears. She sat me down and apologized for cutting into my lunchtime. [...]
Beautiful mature woman in casual clothes is sitting sadly on the floor while packing her stuff into the boxes, moving to the new apartment

The Voices of Depression and Anxiety Only I Can Hear

I can think of about 800 things I need to be doing right now, but my old friends Anxiety and Depression unexpectedly came home to visit. They’re not the kind of guests you would enjoy having over because they demand all of your undivided attention. They’re the kind of guests who come in, take over [...]