I Don’t Want to Change You — I Want to Change the World for You

To my son,

It’s not that I want to change you. No — I want to change the world for you. I want to change my world for you.

Son, remember that you are perfect as you are. It is humanity that is flawed in her understanding of the way a person should react to the world around them. It is humanity that has an ill-perceived idea of what “perfect” should look like, of what “perfect” should be.

Earlier this year, I explained to you that we were going to meet a special person who would hopefully help me to better understand you, and help me find the right tools to be the best parent I can be for you. 

I realized this feeling in my gut, this feeling I kept pushing aside, could no longer be ignored as we faced some challenges at home. I needed to embrace the idea of expanding our support team, but not just any team. Throughout our journey, I’ve always strived to work with a team you can relate to, a team you feel comfortable with, because after all, how can one expect to support a child when the child feels ill at ease with his support team?

Son, I want you to recognize that you are just so awesome, and trust me when I say awesomeness flows through your veins. Know that I speak the truth when I tell you I absolutely love the way you think.

Son, as I listened to the psychologist, it was as if the sun was shining upon me, a gleaming light that shone into a deep abyss — finally gifting the precious light needed for photosynthesis to take place within me. I was overcome with joy (and relief). Unbeknown to me, we had already started supporting you with the necessary therapies that would help you develop and thrive as a young child.

Asperger’s. Neurodivergent. Autism. 

What do these three words mean to me? Well, they help me better understand you. They empower me to parent differently, to step outside my comfort zone and to push the boundaries for you.

I can now advocate for your needs. But I believe in an ideal world, we would not be speaking about accommodations or acceptance because we would all just be allowed to be who we are.

And like I said to you in the early morning hours of July 19, you are perfect to me. Always remember this, and never question your ability, and never allow others to make you feel like you are less-than — because there is much more to you than what meets the eye. Know that I see you, know that I seek to understand you. Know that it is OK for us not to be OK at times. Understand that you are perfect in a flawed world. 

I get you more than you might realize, because I see in you glimpses of the child I once was, and reflections of the adult I am today. I get you, and I love you.

xoxo
Mom

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