What My 'Bipolar Bad Days' Look Like


I have really good days with my bipolar disorder. Most days, I’m cheerful and happy. I sing and dance, I smile and laugh, and I enjoy my life during those moments. But then, I have bad days, too. Everybody has bad days, but “bipolar bad days” can be very different. I also have “stable” bad days, don’t get me wrong. But my “bipolar bad days” are so out of my control, and it’s frustrating.

For me, bad bipolar days are getting anxiety over the smallest tasks — the same tasks it takes my husband five minutes to do once he takes over. That, in turn, makes me feel incompetent, even though he genuinely does not want me to feel that way. Feeling incompetent makes me break down in tears, sobbing that “I just want to be normal.” I don’t want to have to take an anti-anxiety pill when I feel overwhelmed. I don’t want to have to take a pill every single morning. And every single night. I just want to be a regular ol’ person!

Lucky for me, I have a husband who looks at me and ever so sweetly says, “You don’t feel good today. I can tell,” and takes control in a calm and reassuring manner. I firmly believe he has no idea how incredible that moment was for me. He probably has no idea it felt so good to, for once, not be the one to say I’m not feeling my best. I felt understood and loved by one single sentence he probably thought was nothing at all.

It took me 25 minutes of sitting on the floor with sweaty palms, heart racing, hands shaking, and a hard, “fighting back tears” kind of lump in my throat to even start what it took him five minutes to complete.

Just in case you’re wondering, we are redoing the fabric on the valences in our RV. Sounds simple right? Not to my overwhelmed, anxious self on a “bipolar bad day.”

Image via Contributor.

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