When Depression and Anxiety Keep You Locked in a Dark Room
Depression is like being stuck in a dark room without the choice to leave. But imagine being stuck in that room dealing with anxiety at the same time. You’re sad but you don’t know why and at the same time your inner voice is telling you it’s not OK. Nothing’s OK.
This year I’ve wasted so much time being depressed and letting my anxiety get the best of me. I’ve turned down opportunities, said goodbye to friendships and put a strain on my closest relationship all because I couldn’t leave my dark room. As I sat there time after time and day after day life continued on without me. To me, being wrapped up in my warm blanket inside of this dark room in my mind was the safest place to be. There the world couldn’t hurt me — and there I couldn’t hurt it in return.
But the funny thing about the time I’ve wasted is that it’s gone forever. I’ll never be able to go back and rewind all the moments I’ve missed. I can’t go back and try to make those friends I lost understand how I feel on a daily basis. But then again I wouldn’t want to. After all, this is my life and I can’t promise tomorrow will be any different.
However I do apologize for isolating myself, it’s just I never want to push my problems on anyone. I never want to explain what’s wrong with me because I can’t even explain it to myself. Deep down I guess I don’t want to put someone in an uncomfortable situation where they have to pretend they know and understand how I feel.
Maybe one day I’ll leave this dark room without any struggle, but today it wouldn’t let me free. For a week, every day I did nothing but stay in bed and on occasion I sat up struggling to breathe because I feared for the worse when really nothing was wrong at all. But my mind made me believe everything was wrong and nothing was OK. I may not be able to get the time back that was stolen from me, but each day I will try not to lose any more.
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