Every Morning, I Roll the Dice of Bipolar Disorder

Like so many others with misunderstood illnesses, I like to try to put things into a relatable perspective. It’s difficult to explain exactly what bipolar disorder feels like to someone who doesn’t have it or someone who has never been around someone with it. There are many different ways to get the point across, but I’ve found that explaining the swings by using dice is fairly effective.

Every morning when I wake up, I feel like I roll a D20. There are seven numbers it could land on to throw me into a manic state, seven to push me into a depressed state and six relatively mellow moods. Those middle of the road moods may lean more one way than the other, but at least they’re relatively manageable.

Now, I have rapid cycling, which complicates things. During times when I’m unstable and cycle a few times a day, I have to keep rolling sanity checks. Sometimes, the swing is extremely severe and noticeable, while other times the die seems to glitch and combine a high and a low. Those are the worst.

The multiple moods and constant swinging are why it’s difficult for me to answer when someone asks if I’m feeling better after a low day. In that moment, I may be, but that could be because I just rolled a 20 and am bouncing off the walls. Ask me again in a few hours and we’ll see.

Is it exhausting to have to keep rolling? You bet your butt it is, but that’s OK. My bipolar disorder is my superpower. It makes me, me. I’m grateful for it.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Bipolar Disorder

pills piled on top of cash

When Living With a Mental Illness Is Too Expensive

All we ever talk about is our mental illnesses, but we hardly ever mention the amount of money and resources that make taking our medications possible. As a person with bipolar disorder, major depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it costs a whole lot of money for the treatment. And the more treatment we receive, [...]
An image of a woman with her hand over her face

What I Say and What I Mean as Someone With Bipolar Disorder

When you have bipolar disorder, so many judgments are made about you both intentionally and unintentionally. Many people don’t even mean to do it, and they don’t mean it to upset you. Yet, it’s hard to separate the illness from the person. Regardless of my illness, I am a happy, impulsive, generally outgoing and optimistic [...]

Things About Bipolar Disorder Nobody Talks About

People with bipolar disorder in the International Bipolar Disorder community share things people don’t often say about bipolar disorder. Read the full story.
A selfie of a groom and his bride

The Vows to My Husband Were Also Vows to My Mental Health

When I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression at 15, I started to think about my future. Being overwhelmed with a new diagnosis, I spent a lot of time wondering how my life would play out. All my dreams suddenly became just out of reach, and I felt limited. As I grew, I got [...]