A Matter-of-Fact Breakdown of My Recent Autistic Meltdown
Meltdowns can be painful, terrifying and embarrassing. I had one recently and thought I would break down what happened and how it worked up to what it became.
These episodes happen when my information or stimulation input becomes so intensely overwhelming that I am completely unable to function or interact with anyone. Again, for me they are painful, scary, isolating and sometimes dangerous. But they are not something I do intentionally or for attention. I hate them as much as anyone else might. I just wish some people would make an effort to understand it.
Two Days Prior
— I was not heard when expressing an issue.
— I was told something that invalidated one of my serious issues.
The Day Before
— My child threw several loud fits during the day.
— I went shopping and had a lot of new input.
The Day Of
— I overslept and did not keep my routine.
— I didn’t manage to eat early.
— I didn’t get a chore done, and could not get the energy to do it.
— A live-in person verbally triggered my guilt over the unfinished chore.
— An argument.
— And then the meltdown.
Here are the behaviors displayed leading up to the explosive episode, which must be noted.
Two Days Prior
— Mild stress communicated
— Less physically functional
— Increase in irritability
The Day Before
— More difficulty functioning
— Somewhat more irritable
— Distant from everyone
The Day Of
— Before the “Rumblings” Really Started —
— Depressed behavior (bedridden, sullenness, tiredness, distraction)
— Lack of interest in group activities
— Mild frustration with environment
— During the Rumblings —
— Aggressive behavior
— Vocal agitation
— Difficulty staying on task
— When the Alarm Behaviors Started —
— Hands held close to my person, twitching
— Pacing around the house
— Angry vocalizing
— Defensive behavior
— During the Actual Meltdown —
— Yelling
— Crying
— Escaping
— Demanding
— Hardcore stimming (rocking, touching my arms, pulling my hair)
— Seriously aggressive behavior
— Repetitive language
— Showy, aggressive activity
This is what happened and how I got to the meltdown level in my autism.
Image via Thinkstock.
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I've been wrestling with being unwell since birth. Between EDS, and a litany of mental issues, I am stepping into the blog-sphere to share my world and my recovery.
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