My New Year's Resolution as a Person With Dystonia
I have never been huge into setting New Years resolutions. I always saw it as something where you set a goal and hopefully you continue the goal two weeks later. I can say I attempt each year to reduce the amount of frozen yogurt I eat, but sadly that is still one of my weaknesses, and it always will be. This year, however, I want to set a resolution: to love myself.
I was diagnosed with dystonia September of 2015, and I did not expect my life to drastically change. As I was tossed around from specialist to specialist, I became lost in who I was. I was constantly being surrounded by medical jargon and accusations of faking symptoms. When you’re doubted for a long time, you lose confidence in yourself and in others.
After things started to look up, my medical journey would take a giant drop. I have learned I will need amputation, not on just one foot but on both. To hear this news and then have every specialist apologize to me personally that I fell through the cracks of the medical system was one of the hardest things to swallow. To learn this all could have been prevented was the worst part to hear. I have so much built-up anger. Who wouldn’t be angry if they just learned the medical system failed you and your best alternative is amputation?
The amount of emotional pain I have from my journey with dystonia is endless, and it’s time for that end to be permanently closed. It’s time to accept this is completely out of my control, and the doctors are doing all they can to help me have the best quality of life. It’s OK to be angry that I had to pause school when I had four classes left, but it’s time to diminish that fury. My time will come, but for now, it’s time to love myself for all of the pain I have experienced.
2017 is a new year, which means new beginnings. I want to begin each day reminding myself to love every part of me. There is a lot of healing to do (in many aspects), and the only way to begin is to love myself as a whole.
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