Going Back to School Wasn't Perfect, but I'm Still Here


Once I realized I had to take time off school because of my illness, I was adamant about going back right away. Fortunately, I found a program to help me get back to school and to support me when I got there.

The program I found is called Fountain House’s College Re-Entry Program. It helped me become a little more comfortable with my bipolar disorder. It’s a little weird to say that, but it’s true. At first I felt like I would be the odd one out when I went back to school. I thought I would be so far behind because I dropped out. But going to this program every day and talking to the other students who were going to go back to school made me realize it could turn out to be a pretty normal ordeal. I realized I wasn’t the only one who had taken time off school, it wasn’t crazy I had taken time off and my bipolar disorder wasn’t going to be the end of my college career. It made me feel good to have a safety net when I went back. I felt more comfortable.

I’m a bit of a dreamer, so I had the idea that going back to school was going to be perfect. That after taking the time I needed off, everything would fall back into place. But over time, I realized even if that didn’t happen, there were ways to navigate it. There are ways to be prepared for the worst and be excited for the best.

It was a process when I went back to school. The mindfulness tactics I had learned really helped me. I hadn’t taken mindfulness seriously in the past because I had been told you had to have complete silence and sit and think seriously. I’m never going to do that in my life. But once I learned ways to incorporate it into my everyday routine, it was really helpful.

On my first day of classes, I found myself doing mindfulness exercises before I had to talk. It’s little things that usually get me on edge and make me nervous, but this time it was better. I was really patting myself on the back.

Since I’ve been back at school, I’ve had quite a few issues with medication affecting my sleeping schedule. Missing classes can really throw off your whole school flow. But I’m still at school and I’m still doing really well. Now, I’m actually meeting with my dean every other week just to catch up. We meet even if nothing is going wrong so we can catch it in time. I think being proactive in this way has really made a difference because I could easily have fallen back into a situation where I had to leave or I was failing classes. Because I am now in a position with this system in place, it has not come to that point. Everyone is working hard to help me finish well and I am working to my full potential.

It was completely different from my first year. I met with the dean my first year, but I definitely didn’t have a relationship with her in the way I do now. Or with any of the teachers I have. I really appreciate my relationship with my teachers. It’s made it as smooth a transition as it could be.

Right now I’m a sophomore and I’m thinking of majoring in biology with a minor in healthcare studies. I think I want to be a doctor. Coming out of school, hopefully I’ll be able to do some sort of health care job.

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