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Why We Need to Meet People in the Pit of Their Despair


I am one of the most positive people you’ll ever meet. That comes with constantly battling negative thoughts caused by my bipolar disorder. Somehow in this battle, I’ve become a pretty positive person. However there are times when rough things happen and it makes it really hard for me to be positive.

For example, some tough things happened in December and January. I shared with my friends how horrible I felt because of these things and some well-meaning friends said I should be positive. In that moment, I needed empathy, not positivity. My initial response was anger, but I cooled off after a few days because I knew those friends had my best interest at heart. I know I shouldn’t have been angry because I wrote a blog almost a year ago about being positive. Well, you live and learn.

So here’s my revision.

In hard times, when you have a mental illness, you don’t need people to point out “thinking positive” will fix everything. That’s probably the worst thing you could say. Thinking positive won’t necessarily fix your problems. In those times, we need our support systems to meet us where we are in the deep, dark pit of despair. We need our support system to listen and offer encouragement.

When dealt a blow to our routine, it’s hard for us to adjust, so please save the advice for later. We need those friends to meet us during our pain, validate our emotions and stay with us during our darkest moments. This kind of support system is truly valuable. Life can be messy, especially when someone is navigating life while battling bipolar or any other mental illness for that matter. Those who listen will be of more help than those who tell you to fix your thinking. When you are in a gloomy hole, you feel like you are never going to get out of there. You feel utterly, perpetually and completely alone. The ones who help us the most find their way down into the depths and sit with us until we are ready to crawl out. Those friends bring their light and give us strength to emerge from the darkness. I am lucky to have friends who know me well enough to know I need to process, grieve and vent in order to move up and out of the pit and become my positive self again. So for those of you who are struggling with a tough life situation right now, find the people who are willing to sit with you in the dark for awhile until you get the strength to crawl back out. And if you can’t find someone, know I would sit with you in the dark.

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