The Advice No One Tells You About Going to Therapy
The first time my mom took me to see a therapist, I made her promise she would never take me back. I was 15.
Then, at 21, I tried again â this time at my collegeâs counseling center. I was unimpressed, but I stuck with it, happy to ramble to someone for free.
When I moved across the country after school, I started with a new therapist. I liked her at first, but it became quickly apparent she wasnât meeting my needs. I didnât like how she made assumptions about my family life, and felt like she invalidated a few of the experiences I confided with her. It took a while, but I finally listened to my gut and left.
Now, Iâm with someone whoâs sweet, who listens to me and who makes me feel like what Iâm going through matters. Itâs made an incredible difference, and Iâm happy I persisted and found someone who works for me.
I share my experience because while we all know what to expect when we visit the dentist or go in for a routine exam, therapy is this often this scary, unknown experience we donât hear a lot about. Because of this, many donât know what to expect.
To find out what people wish they knew about seeing a therapist, we asked people in our mental health community to share a piece of advice no one tells you about going to therapy.
Hereâs what they shared with us:
1. âTherapy leaves you feeling drained, raw and/or vulnerable. You have to give yourself time after a session to process what was talked [about] and rejuvenate. That could be taking a nap, taking a warm bath, exercising. I find I have to practice the best self-care after my therapy sessions.â âChaia G.
2. âYou [may] have to repeat your story over and over. It starts to not feel real in your own head and you will feel guilty about being there. But remind yourself itâs OK to be asking for help.â âSasha H.
3. âItâs all about connecting with your therapist. Therapy is not âone size fits all.â Itâs important to allow yourself [the] opportunity to make sure you have the best person working with you. Having a trusting and open relationship with your therapist is vital! Donât be afraid to speak up if you find your therapist isnât the best for you.â â Lauren L.
4. âYou have to be 100 percent honest and if you donât feel comfortable telling the first few therapists, then itâs OK to change them. Not everyone is a good fit.â âAbigail M.
5. âTherapy takes effort and work.â âMelissa G.
6. âIt takes time to see improvement. You need to continue seeing your therapist so they can evaluate your mental state over time.â âLisa C.
7. âAdvocate for yourself. Itâs worth it if you work it. Youâre worth it.â âAmelia L.Â
8. âYou [might] feel worse before it gets better. Learn how to ground yourself so you have a safe strong place you can go to within yourself.â â Mandy M.
9. âTherapy is not a one-visit fix.â âMarissa D.
10. âIn the beginning there will probably be many times you feel like giving it up because it seems like the easier option. Stick it out though. Itâs worth it in the long run.â âAngela E.Â
11. âItâs not about laying dramatically on a chaise lounge only talking about your feelings. The therapist is there to help you challenge yourself to be the best that you can be. But it comes with a cost. It can be extremely painful at times and you may feel really bad for a few days reflecting on what was brought to the surface, but then youâll learn how to heal correctly. You just have to continue going.â â Allyson L.
12. âThe therapist is there for you. You (or insurance) are paying for their time. However long your appointment is, that time is yours. Use it to your advantage and talk about whatever you need to. Also, be open and honest with the therapist. Thatâs the only way itâll work for your benefit. If you canât be honest with them, itâs important to know you can find another therapist youâre comfortable with. The first time or first therapist might not be the right fit, but there is one that will be.â â Michelle D.
13. âBuilding and establishing a rapport with a therapist takes time. Itâs like a building a relationship with anybody else. The difference is, however, is that the therapist is an objective voice and perspective to the chaos going on in and outside of your head.â â Sean C.
14. âThereâs no shame. âTherapyâ can be treated as such a scary word, and although yes, the experience of starting sessions can be daunting, I know, but really, that word should be about how you have every right to be there to help yourself feel better and you shouldnât feel embarrassed or like a failure for deciding to go. Itâs your first step to getting better and the road may be long and challenging at times, but you wonât be alone for the journey.â â Eimear D.
15. âYou deserve and have a right to be there. For awhile in the beginning, I was always worried my therapist would tell me my problems arenât legitimate enough to take her time away from people with real issues that need real help. Your problems are different from everyone elseâs, but theyâre 100 percent valid and deserve just as much of your therapists attention as anyone else.â â Ashley M.
16. âEven if your first, or second or third therapist isnât right for you, donât rule it out. My CBT therapist actually cried in my sessions, while I was explaining my history. She was also very stereotypical in the fact that I mentioned one small disagreement with my mum and suddenly everything wrong with me was my mumâs fault. But my other counselor was wonderful! She did everything she could to help me. What Iâm saying is, just because you may have some therapists who donât mesh with you, donât rule it out entirely.â â Rebecca B.
17. âYouâll have moments where you doubt why youâre even there in the first place, it leaves you emotionally exhausted and crying, or even completely drained â but it works. There has never been a day when Iâve had therapy and I havenât felt incredibly safe and supported. Itâs crucial to have that support.â â Erica A.
18. âTry to plan an agenda before your session so when you go in, youâre more prepared. Often times, I would be down to the last five minutes and I would just start to bring up something important that I needed to discuss. The therapy 45-minute window goes by quickly and if you have a plan, youâll feel more satisfied afterwards.â â Alyssa P.
19. âAs a therapist, one thing I always hear is, âYou wonât believe itâs true butâŚâ or, âI feel so ashamed ofâŚâ There is no judgment going into therapy. Each person has their story and no story is alike.â â Jessica C.
20. âSometimes you honestly donât know what to say and itâs hard to get across exactly what you want in the time you have. This can sometimes make you feel like you shouldnât have gone at all because you wasted their time, but you havenât! They are there to help you.â â Jessica S.
21. âSkip the awkward getting-to-know you crap and get down to business. Their job is to see people at their worst; youâre not going to surprise them. Donât waste sessions (and money), just jump right in!â â Ashleigh R.
22. âTherapy is about finding your own answers for yourself. You need the time between sessions to discover the answers for yourself, and those answers can lead you in a completely different direction.â â Samantha L.
23. âItâs like a dirty wound. You have to open it up and poor on peroxide and it will hurt so badly youâll wonder why youâre doing it, but in the long run you were just cleaning it out so it can heal better. Therapy will be difficult but worth it.â â Katie S.
What would you add?