When the Little Things in Life Can't Outshine Depression
Over the years I have found I enjoy the little things in life. I love listening to the birds chirp as I sit on my deck enjoying the warmth of the sun. I love just casually walking along looking at the vibrant colors of the flowers and the bees that buzz busily between them. I love going out to my favorite restaurant and ordering my favorite dish. Since all these things bring a smile to my face, many people see me as a ray of sunshine that can shine through any darkness.
Oh God, are they wrong.
There is a constant battle waging in my head against the “darkness.”
I try my best to conceal my “darkness,” as I do not want it to extend from my world to other people’s worlds. I do not need to “burden” others with my darkness.
By now you may be wondering, “What is this darkness you are talking about?” The darkness I am talking about is depression.
Your next question is probably, “Well why not just say depression? Why call it darkness instead?”
To be completely honest, the reason I call it darkness instead of depression is because everyone’s depression is different. Depression is too broad of a word for me. If I had to say the first word that comes to mind when someone asks me what my world is like when I am depressed, I would tell them “darkness.”
You know those little things I mentioned before? Well, when I am depressed, even the little things in my life can’t bring a smile to my face. The darkness takes over my world.
I don’t hear the birds chirp or feel the warmth on the sun, so I see no point in even bothering to go sit on the deck. Shades of gray replace the vibrant colors of the flowers, and I no longer hear the buzzing of the busy bees.
The darkness is so dark that it blocks out all the beautiful colors of the world.
The darkness is so thick that I cannot hear all the lovely sounds the creatures of the world create.
The darkness even goes as far as obliterating all of my taste buds so that I cannot enjoy my favorite dish.
The darkness takes over every aspect of my world.
Some days the darkness is provoked. Sadly, more often than not, the darkness takes over my world completely unprovoked. Regardless, provoked or unprovoked, I still must get through my day. I must battle the darkness while continuing with my everyday responsibilities. I have to shine through the darkness to get the little things back.
To those who do not have depression, please realize that depression is so much more than the stereotype. To those who do have depression, please do not let the darkness prevent you from shining.
You are a ray of sunshine and you deserve the right to enjoy the little things in life.
We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.
Thinkstock photo via leonid_tit