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When I Realized My Anxiety Was Holding Back My Son's Independence


This past Sunday night we returned from a one-week vacation to our favorite resort in Jamaica. The resort has several pools and giant water slides.

Two years ago, my son, Dominic, and I almost drowned at the foot of the slides. We wanted to greet my daughter, Lauren, as she came down. We had not realized how deep it was. The lifeguard had to jump in and pull us to the surface. It was scary.

That incident was the number one reason I enrolled Dominic in swimming lessons shortly after we returned home. Last Friday (the day before we left), Dominic and I headed over to watch Lauren come down the slides. She had asked several times throughout the week if Dominic could go down with her. Each time I said no. I hadn’t thought of asking Dominic if this was something he wanted to do until we watched Lauren. To my surprise, he said yes.

I had a decision to make. Do I let my anxiety hold him back or do I let him try?  Lauren promised she would be with him the whole time. The lifeguard was also sitting within a foot of the bottom of the slides, so there was not a chance he would drown. I let him go.

He came down the slide with no problems at all. When they came over to see me, Lauren asked him if he wanted to go again. He said yes. They went down a few more times. Even now, with Dominic turning 13 in about four months, I feel guilty for not giving him more independence. Trying is a part of learning, right? I think it’s my inner “mamma bear” instincts of wanting to protect my “cubs.”  As Dominic continues to mature and become more independent, I need to loosen the restrictions I don’t mean to place on him.

I have already taught him what to say to me when I bug him too much. He says, “please just leave me alone.” I’m glad he can recognize those feelings. My relationship with Dominic is starting to change and evolve. I need to change with it, right?

Editor’s note: This story has been published with permission from the author’s son.

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