Dear Depression: Please Tell Me, Is This Fair?


Depression,

Why do you mask the amazing parts of my life and drive me to sit behind black clouds, with no vision of getting past them? Why are you constantly there, cramping my style, and the only way I can find to fight against you is to speak out? But then, why is your sidekick stigma always nearby to kick me in the face every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere? Please tell me, is this fair?

Why do you not let me enjoy things anymore, like band rehearsal? Why do you insist that the music is way too loud, when it is just as loud as it is every week? Why do you force me to sit in the corner, with pins and needles worming their way down my limbs, withdrawn from my bandmates for two complete hours? Please tell me, is this fair?

How do you propel me so deep into your despair that no amount of embraces from my partner can relieve my sobbing? Why do you refuse to give in, compelling me to push away my loved ones when I feel I’m under constraint? How can you manipulate my brain enough so I ignore messages from people I care about, until they don’t care anymore? Where do I stand? Or do you just completely control me? Please tell me, is this fair?

And by the way, your friend anxiety… Why do they make me feel nervous when there’s nothing to be nervous about? I’m sitting at home, quite comfy and content, but then my stomach churns and I feel impending doom all of a sudden. I feel like I’m in trouble and my life is over. Please tell me, is this fair?

No, you’re not killing me, but you are extracting the soul out of me. You’re ripping me apart and stripping my quality of life. But I don’t deserve this.

From Sarah, the one who will continue to fight until the end.

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