How I See My 'Cracks' as Someone With Depression


Normally in my daily routine of doing yard work, my mind is at ease and all I think about is the music in my ears. Yesterday, however, I noticed some things in my yard that made me think about things in my life. Here in Kansas, we have some pretty hot summers. Our summers can go weeks without any rain. This lack of rain can take a toll on the landscape around you. As I was working in my yard, I noticed huge cracks in the grass begging to be watered. Cracks that have been formed because the surrounding landscape has been depleted from a lack of needed resources.

It got me to thinking about how this is symbolic of life. How often do we feel like the “cracks” of inadequacies in our lives are starting to overtake us. We all have cracks in our lives where fear sneaks in when we don’t take heed and water it and keep it closed. Cracks from a painful childhood that may creep open when we aren’t careful with how we are addressing current issues in our life. Cracks from a heartbreak. Cracks from emotional hurts. Cracks from the failure to act in faith. When you start to see these cracks becoming larger in your life, it’s time to take action to take care of them! When they are ignored, just like in nature, consequences will happen. In nature, if moisture isn’t applied to dry ground, you will start having foundation issues. When we let fear and past mistakes take hold in our lives, we will start having foundation issues.

I know I have lots of really deep cracks that need to be watered and nourished and it’s going to take a long time to heal those completely. I am not alone in this. I am not the only one who has done a particular wrong. I can and will write the rest of my life and not be defined by my past mistakes and sins.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi

God uses our “cracks” to enter our lives and shine. This is also your time to shine! When the cracks start to show and things begin to unravel, your life can shift from comfortable to vulnerable. That can be a scary thing. But if you know anything about vulnerability, it signals growth. Water those cracks!

We all have a natural tendency to seek to repair ourselves in different ways. We can wall ourselves off from the outside world and become shiny sharp-edged people who hurt everything in our path just because we are hurt ourselves. Or we can also use these cracks to show up for support and have a desire for wholeness while maintaining integrity despite the pain. We all have one true way to water those cracks though. Personally, I am guilty of both. There are so many times, as someone with depression, that I want to close my door to the world and not deal with anything. It seems like the easy thing to do at the time. There are also times when I go “all in” to work through my weaknesses and maintain the little bit of integrity I have. Because deep down, I know there is a strength greater than me to help guide and support me.

I believe the Lord will guide me continually, giving me water when I’m dry and restoring my soul.

“You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” — Isaiah 58:11

Let your light be seen.

We are all beautiful in our vulnerabilities and there is power in the light that shines through the cracks. It’s hard work, but through the cracks of my life, amazing light shines through. The light of my strength and the light of God giving me his strength.

And once you are on the other side, share it! Hold someone else’s hand as they stumble through their struggles. You don’t have to know all the answers. You just have to know how to be there and support them when they need it most.

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Thinkstock photo via ipopba.


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