Depression Makes Me Think It's a Friend
You go about your daily life, going to class, attending meetings and laughing with friends. You write down your schedule for the week, meet up with those you promised you would and respond to emails quickly. Everything you’re supposed to do, you do. Daily life becomes a mere routine, something you have become accustomed to and it doesn’t take much anymore for your body to go through the motions without your mind being present.
Through all of the chatter and laughter, there’s a hollowness that reverberates in your chest – a feeling of loneliness you can’t quite pin down. You’ve always known this feeling. It has always been your friend. The feeling you may only be able to describe as a “shadow” follows you as you do normal, mundane activities.
The shadow clings to you closely. During all of your activities, it seems to be whispering in your ear thoughts you’d much rather not have. It becomes a wall between yourself and those you talk to and interact with. You feel the need to tell someone about this shadow, but somehow it seems to know how to distract you from approaching those whom you call friends.
Nobody knows you’re struggling.
Alone, you flail, with only the shadow to keep you company. Your friends think you have your life together, but in reality, you don’t know what you’re doing. You break down when you’re alone, the shadow comforting you and you shake and tremble with fear. You can’t tell your friends. You have a reputation to uphold, a reputation of being strong and knowing what you are doing. The shadow agrees with you, tells you that you can’t show weakness.
The shadow called depression, prevents you from speaking out.
The shadow called depression becomes your only friend.
The shadow called depression is lying.
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