Depression Makes Me Think It's a Friend

You go about your daily life, going to class, attending meetings and laughing with friends. You write down your schedule for the week, meet up with those you promised you would and respond to emails quickly. Everything you’re supposed to do, you do. Daily life becomes a mere routine, something you have become accustomed to and it doesn’t take much anymore for your body to go through the motions without your mind being present.

Through all of the chatter and laughter, there’s a hollowness that reverberates in your chest – a feeling of loneliness you can’t quite pin down. You’ve always known this feeling. It has always been your friend. The feeling you may only be able to describe as a “shadow” follows you as you do normal, mundane activities.

The shadow clings to you closely. During all of your activities, it seems to be whispering in your ear thoughts you’d much rather not have. It becomes a wall between yourself and those you talk to and interact with. You feel the need to tell someone about this shadow, but somehow it seems to know how to distract you from approaching those whom you call friends.

Nobody knows you’re struggling.

Alone, you flail, with only the shadow to keep you company. Your friends think you have your life together, but in reality, you don’t know what you’re doing. You break down when you’re alone, the shadow comforting you and you shake and tremble with fear. You can’t tell your friends. You have a reputation to uphold, a reputation of being strong and knowing what you are doing. The shadow agrees with you, tells you that you can’t show weakness.

The shadow called depression, prevents you from speaking out.

The shadow called depression becomes your only friend.

The shadow called depression is lying.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Image via Thinkstock

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Depression

A woman with her head down on her desk

5 Tips for Getting Through an Inconvenient, Depression-Induced Breakdown

It seems like the minute I have a hundred things to do, my brain decides it’s the perfect time for a breakdown. Even though I have no time for it, it’s not convenient and I really don’t want to think about all the things my depression brain focuses on, I find myself doing all of [...]
A woman looking sad

Depression Is Not the Same as Sadness

As our society grows and we are slowly beginning to destigmatize mental health, one of the most common and discussed mental illnesses is depression. And while it’s great that we are slowly starting to have open conversations, I fear there is a misunderstanding when it comes to what depression really is. When people think of [...]
mother and son Watching Sunset over Lake

The First Time I Was Honest With My Mom About My Depression

The first time I told my mom about my depression was also the first time she saw me smoke a cigarette. It was December 2011 and I was in what I later came to realize was an incredibly unhealthy relationship. The girl I was in the relationship with and I just had a major fight [...]
A middle aged woman looking pensive and sad

A Letter to My Children, From Their Depressed Mummy

A few months ago I took the plunge into seeking medical help for my depression and anxiety. I had reached rock bottom and needed a helping hand or 10. After trying to get well on my own for more than 22 years I realized it was the end of the line and was make-or-break, so I [...]