When Depression Feels Like Your Own Personal Demon
This is a poem I wrote about a year ago when I was going through a heavy bout of depression. It turned out to be one of my best poems to date. I love poetry and this sums up what I think a lot of people feel when going through a depressive state.
This poem talks about battling demons and the exhaustion it causes every single day. The struggle. The all encompassing sense of dread and despair upon waking in the morning and finding you are still alive. It’s about sometimes losing the battle. I hope this poem shows people they are not alone, even when it feels like there is no light and everybody is lying to you or just simply doesn’t understand. You are never alone.
Every day you see me.
I smile and am kind,
But I just want to be free
From the demons inside my mind.
My life was the war,
My soul, the battlefield.
Tearing apart my very core
And I’ve never fully healed.
It’s been so very long.
I tried so very hard.
I just wanted to fit in, belong.
But I forgot to put up my guard.
While trying to choose a side
My hopes got shattered along the way.
And, somehow, even though I tried,
I’ve lost my will to stay.
“It gets better,” they say.
“Just keep on going,”
“Look, it’s almost day!”
As if they’re all-knowing.
No, I’m sorry, I just can’t see it.
No matter how hard I strain,
I can’t quite see the candles lit;
And I wonder if I’m still sane.
I can’t always remember why
I continue to battle the same things.
Every day I try to fly,
But all I have are broken wings.
The demons, they keep swinging,
Harder and faster, always stronger.
I fight against the stinging,
I can’t hold out much longer.
I scream in anger at the shadows
They laugh and dance around
Dealing more and more blows
To the battered body on the ground.
I’m so sorry for losing the fight
Against the demons inside my head
They drowned out all my light
And replaced an echo of me instead.
If you or someone you know needs help, visit our suicide prevention resources page.
If you need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text “START” to 741-741.
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Thinkstock photo via Archv.