My Voice Is Stronger Than Depression's Voice
The voice deep down inside me isn’t silent at the moment. Sometimes it is quiet and lets me go about my life in normal order; sometimes it repeatedly reminds me of all my faults and shortcomings.
That voice inside me is my depression. It tells me I am a failure, how worthless I am and how ugly I look. It also robs me of my energy, my sleep and my motivation. The voice feeds off negativity. In fact, the more negativity in my life, the more it thrives and strengthens.
For two months now I haven’t been able to quiet the voice. It has made me angry, bitter, resentful, jaded and mean. I am tired, unfocused and longing for the day when I will feel happy again.
Sure, I put on a smile every day while I laugh and tell jokes so no one is any the wiser, but I feel the voice building and vocalizing its sinister laugh so that I am well aware the smile is only temporary.
I am determined to beat the voice because I am better and stronger than it is. I will recapture the happy and silence the critic. I have done it before and I will do it again.
The cyclical nature of my happy and my depression is my normal. I try not to let it get in the way of my relationships (although my husband is often on the receiving end of my mean), or my job or the hundreds of things I am responsible for each day. I refuse to let it take total control of me and change me forever.
My depression doesn’t define who I am, but I am who I am because of it (at least in part).
I am strong.
I am good enough.
I am nothing the voice tells me I am and everything it is afraid to say.
The voice will quiet again, but I won’t ever be silenced.
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Thinkstock photo via berdsigns