The Words My Husband Says When My Mood Changes Cause Me to 'Flip Out'


Lately I’ve been having a difficult time readjusting to being in school. I have bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and a dissociative disorder. I’m also getting my master’s in counseling. The stress of a new semester is causing my moods to flip all over the place. I keep pushing myself to get through the reading for class, study for quizzes, and be “present” during the class even when I’m either manic, depressed, anxious, or lost somewhere inside my head.

The stress of being in school has been making me “flip out” a little when I’m home, over the smallest things like getting upset because my husband tells me he invited someone over for dinner and I wanted a night alone, or when my husband forgot to buy something at the store I needed. The smallest thing throws me off, and suddenly I’m arguing with my husband over nothing, jumping a foot in the air when he tries to touch me, shouting at him when I interpret something he said as an attack. My emotions go from one to 100 in 60 seconds. Suddenly my body is twitching. I pace around not knowing what to do, and I say all these things out at once. I am saying, “Maybe I should just go for a drive to cool off. Maybe I should hide in my room for a while. Maybe I should break something. Everything is hopeless. I’m feel ‘crazy.’ How could I ever be a counselor?” I stomp into our bedroom. I grab something unbreakable, throw it at the wall and scream.

Finally the mood breaks. I sit on the side of the bed sobbing. I go back to my husband and hold him and cry into his chest. I tell him, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for being so mean and awful. I’m crazy. I don’t know how you put up with me. I’m terrible.”

He holds me tightly and lets me cry for a little while. Then finally he says, “You’re not terrible. You just have a mental illness.” There is so much gentleness and grace in his voice. I stop crying for a moment, look in his eyes, and nod. Then, somehow, things start to be OK again. I feel my broken pieces coming back together. I let myself rest for a while, then get up, ready to take on the world again.

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo by IR_Stone


Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.


Related to Mental Health

woman looking up in the sun

Questioning Why I Share My 'Intimate' Mental Illness Story

In therapy today I started talking about this blog and how I want people to know I have a mental illness without having them treat me like I have a mental illness. Then, my counselor asked me why I want people to know at all. It wasn’t accusatory. I think she genuinely wanted me to [...]
Line art portrait of man

Why Should I Feel Guilty for Having a Mental Illness?

Guilt or feeling like I am at fault is something that has developed alongside my conditions. Now in most cases, a person would feel guilty if they had done something wrong or perhaps upset another person. I am not talking about such instances. Rather I am referring to the guilt that comes with being mentally [...]
Woman Sleep on Sofa

Napping Is Not My Weakness

I nap. A lot. I nap because I’m tired. I’m tired because I’ve been battling my nervous demons since the sun rose. I’m tired because I’ve been battling them since I went to bed. I’m tired because I’ve been battling them for years. I nap because the conversations are difficult. I nap because I’m tired [...]
young woman sitting alone and sad, urban scene

When Your Mental Illness Makes You Feel Like You're 'Too Much' for Your Friends

There is a famous quote, or maybe it’s just super over-pinned on Pinterest, that says: “You will be ‘too much’ for some people. Too loud, too soft. Too this, too that. But you’ll always be perfect for the people who need you.” As someone has been dealing with mental illness for the past almost eight [...]