6 Questions to Ask Me When I Have a Migraine Flare


I have had migraines since I was a toddler, and the first few years of our marriage, my husband didn’t know how to help me when I had one. Eventually we figured out that we needed to talk about things that help before I had the migraine, because communication was greatly impaired when I was in the throes of one. The beauty of this was he eventually learned questions to ask, and I could give simple answers.

I am still learning a lot about my condition. Each and every flare feels a bit different and I never know quite how long, or how much, I will be affected. So, started working on a list of questions that I find helpful when I am having a flare. Simple tasks that someone could help with if they feel so inclined. The simplest thing can make such a difference and knowing some questions to ask me helps.

1. Do you have enough bone broth? I consume bone broth almost every single day and especially when I am having a flare there are few foods that sound appetizing. Asking if I need some help making bone broth could be a huge help depending on what my supply looks like.

2. Have you watched “such and such” show or movie? I especially love to watch comedies when the pain is really high; I crave watching happy things. If you have a show or a movie that you have really enjoyed, suggest that I check it out. If you are able to watch it with me and can message or text during it, bonus points. I tend to not want to have company, but I would still love interacting with you. Messaging me and texting are much easier for me then talking on the phone.

3. Do you need to get to your doctor? Driving is extremely challenging for me when I am having a flare. Someone offering to take me to the doctor or pick up a prescription for me is a huge gift. Often times, I hesitate even calling the doctor or nurse because I am not sure if I will be able to get to the office.

4. Would you like to go for a walk? Moving almost always helps me feel better. If you are up for a very slow walk with lots of breaks, ask to walk with me. Offer to hold my hand. I may not feel like talking, and in fact, I might put my headphones on and listen to music, but getting out and having that physical support can help motivate me to keep moving.

5. Ask about my husband and see if he needs anything. Taking care of someone with a chronic illness is rough, and I am extremely fortunate  that Adam is so supportive and understanding. However, sometimes he needs a break. He needs to get away and grab a coffee or a meal with someone. I worry about him a lot when I am sick because so much falls on his shoulders, and he is a much more social person than I am.

These are just a few simple questions that can make a big difference when I am having a flare. I know people want to help and I am not the most imaginative person when I am in pain and sleep deprived, so let’s have these conversations before I feel ill. This is just a few simple questions to keep in mind about things I might need.

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