My Thought Process When I Have Multiple Sclerosis Brain Fog
My intention was to post my multiple sclerosis (MS) diagnosis story and talk a little bit about being asked to choose between taking meds or having children on the fly. Unfortunately, I have been struck down with the mother of all brain fogs, which makes weaving such an intense story quite difficult. It’s in the works, so I will get it to you once the fog lifts. Instead, I want to describe my brain fog for you. Today’s post will reflect the thoughts that made their way through my fog-dense mind.
Brain fog is exactly as advertised. There is literally a fog in my mind.
Recalling words takes two to five minutes. I’m normally a quick-witted woman. I speak two languages fluently, this is, what’s the word… Ridiculous. Everything is in slow motion right now.
I forget why I walk into rooms. Why do I have this glass of water in my hand? Oh, I was going to drink it… Not even common sense works.
My yoga instructor asks me to put my left hand on my right shin… No left hand, right shin. Yeah, I’m trying, sorry. I just forgot where my limbs were… Oh, my hands are up here.
Going to the park to take my dog for a walk, just missed the turn-off. I’ll just go around the block. Missed it again. A dog whimpers impatiently in the back seat.
Better cancel dinner tonight. Too tired to drive.
My walking buddy tells me I’m early it’s 1:30… Hang on, I’m not early; I forgot what time we were meeting. Yes, I did check the time before I got in the car.
Better cancel dinner tonight. Too tired to drive. You already told me that. Did I? Sorry, I forgot. My joints hurt. I know, I’ll do my floor yoga routine. It’s easy, and I always feel such relief after. Nah, I’m too tired to roll from the couch to the floor.
I’m hungry. Thank God for the frozen meals in the freezer. I can’t decide what to eat so I’ll just grab the one on the top.
Let’s put something on Netflix. My watch list is too long, can’t decide…Netflix!! Why can’t you have a random function!?
Try to do some reading. Can’t manage a full paragraph. Let’s check out Twitter. Can’t handle 140 characters. Instagram scrolling here I come.
My brain is so foggy I swear even my eyes have fogged up. What am I even looking at? I can try listening to a podcast or audiobook. Listening is exhausting, so tired. I’ll go to bed.
Why is my bed so uncomfortable? Someone has replaced my ultra plush mattress with a concrete slab. And this pillow is too thin, that one too hard, the next one too hot. I’m Goldilocks sleeping on a tower of mattresses, and I can’t sleep because I can feel the pea underneath. How on earth did I pass that sleep study?
My tossing and turning is too much for my dog to bear. She huffs at me in frustration and goes to sleep on the couch; I’ve been ruining her sleep for days.
I fall asleep at 2 a.m.
I wake up, two hours pass and I’m two coffees in. What do I do next? Ah yes, that’s right, a shower. Did I wash my hair? Can’t remember, better do it again just to be safe.
I stay in the shower for ages, it’s too nice under the warm water. I love my shower seat, I’ll stay here a while longer.
It’s 12:30, too late for breakfast. I’ll just have lunch and try to catch-up.
I sit down in front of the window for some meditation. The fog lifts, ideas and thoughts float around in my mind. Focus on your breathing. Remember your mindfulness training. Let it roll past you like clouds in the sky. Thoughts are beautiful when they pass with such ease.
Quick, write this down before the fog descends again, it doesn’t take long for it to come back.
I sit on the couch and write the thoughts in point form. Got to get it down while it’s fresh. There that will do. I’ll flesh it out tomorrow.
This is all I can manage, but I sat down and wrote. I’ll do the final touches and schedule the post on the weekend. This is turning out to be a good plan B…I’m happy with myself because even if it’s not what I set out to do, I did something! Focus on the achievements, not the losses.
Now I’m tired, so I’m off to have a nap. Keep it positive lovelies.
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Thinkstock Image By: agsandrew