The Lie I Told Every Day: ‘I’m Fine, Good, Never Better’

“How are you? How’s life?” people ask.

“Fine! Good! Never better!” we might answer with a lie and a big smile.

There might be times it seems like it’s easier to lie to everyone, but please stop — at least don’t lie to yourself.

I was starting to be great at lying to myself. And it sucks.

I was born with a weak heart, an imperfect heart. The medical terms might be congenital heart disease/defect. A birth defect that affects the normal workings of the heart. “Congenital” means the condition is present at birth.

Yes, I have never been very healthy for my whole life. There was a time I fainted so much and had heart attacks, quit regular school and transferred to homeschool. There was a time I was quite prepared so I could volunteer in a village or an island (even though I had a heart attack while volunteering).

I’ve lived 24 years so far. Now, I survive with lots of rest and staying at home. Three hours out of home feels exhausting. Rushing would make it hard for me to breathe, and so does being too excited.

I am far from perfect, but I survived.

I made myself believe I’m fine, good, never better.

Then I started to think of how other people are doing — people who might go to work, have an office, go to college every day without having a hard time breathing. Without having to lie down and rest after each task they have done.

It’s not fair if I keep lying to myself and pretending my life is as healthy and fine as others. Then I would be sad and ask myself why I could not do what others do.

My life is different.

I was born different.

I was born special.

I realized, you know what? I am not fine. My day is not good. I have been better. And it is OK.

I could not go to regular college, but I graduated summa cum laude (straight As) from a great correspondence international institute.

I could not go to work, but I am able to enjoy my beautiful home and read many great books.

I could not do many things, but I still able to write and paint and sew tiny dolls.

I do things I love, and I learn new things every day.

Maybe you are not fine…

Maybe your day is not good…

Maybe you have been better…

You are here, and you have survived, strong and brave.

Please be honest with yourself — how are you?

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