The 'Waiting Game' You Play When You're Chronically Ill

Having a chronic illness means you are forced to play a game you never wanted to play in the first place… the waiting game.

You’re always waiting when you have a chronic illness.

Waiting.

Waiting on medication to work.

Waiting.

Waiting to see if any new symptoms develop. Waiting to see if your condition worsens.

Waiting.

Waiting on answers. Waiting on solutions.

Waiting.

Waiting to feel better.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Constantly waiting.

I have chronic migraines that became worse last September, and got even worse month later. Since then, I have had daily migraines that have been unresponsive to everything I’ve tried. Constant double vision, floating jagged lines and black dots, weakness on one side, partial seizures, hearing oddities, pain. I stopped going to the emergency room after the second time I went and I was discharged with papers on how to deal with my “headache.”

Since October, I have been waiting. Waiting for an MRI. Waiting for a follow up that never came. Waiting for Botox injections that took months to be approved. Still waiting on a doctor I am able to trust enough to administer those injections.

Since it took two trips to the hospital to finally get an MRI, I decided to schedule an appointment with a new neurologist at a different hospital in November. Since then, I have been anxiously waiting. Waiting for that golden appointment, the one to finally give me the help I desperately needed and deserved.

When you have an appointment, you have hope. You’re not just waiting on the appointment, you’re waiting on hope. You’re waiting on the possibility of answers, solutions, and an end to the nightmare. You’re holding out for that light at the end of the tunnel.

I waited it out, waited my time and my appointment with the neurologist was finally a week away. I bragged about this appointment like I was going to an all-expense-paid trip to a beach resort. That light was finally in reach — just to disappear once more as I received a call saying that the neurologist I was supposed to see no longer works at that office, thus my appointment was cancelled. Just like that. My excitement turned into utter devastation.

You are at the mercy of the doctors, constantly waiting on the appointment that might finally shine a light on what is going on. You wait and wait and wait. Just to wait some more.

I just got a call from the last neurologist in town. I have an appointment in July, almost one whole year from the start of my war with migraines.

I hate waiting.

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Thinkstock photo by psisa