When They Ask, 'Who Are You?' and Borderline Personality Disorder Answers
I am a mom.
I am not a dancer, singer, runner, reader, a person with any hobby, a person with talents,
A disorganized person,
A lazy, forgetful, sad, unmotivated and ashamed person.
I am not good at time management, cleaning, studying and simply turning thoughts into words.
I want to lose weight, but I don’t feel like it
Exercise, but it’s too much work
Eat better, but someone needs to do it for me,
Be a good parent, I don’t know how
Shower regularly, ehh
Do my hair and makeup, maybe tomorrow
Brush my teeth daily, way too much effort
Just “get over it” and “just do it”… because everyone says so.
I am scared of rejection, making others mad, others thinking I am a bad mom, being unwanted, being happy (because it will end), change, the unknown and disappointing everyone.
I don’t know what I want for dinner, where I want to go, what I want to watch, what I want to do, what color shoes to get, which radio station to listen to, what I want…
I do know that all of this — trying, thinking, making decisions, hiding feelings, not bothering people — it is exhausting.
But, I am fine.
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Thinkstock photo via David De Lossy