Why Chronic Pain Is Like Saran Wrap Clinging to My Body

The pain covers me like Saran Wrap, clinging to me and never letting go. Saran Wrap is clear, but no one can actually see the depth of my pain. It’s invisible to most.

The pain controls every aspect of my life. I try my best to hide it and just smile. I try to be the bubbly self I used to be, but it’s exhausting. I’m not that person anymore.

Life is passing me by because this pain is so controlling. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m suffocating. But, I still wake up everyday to this life of pain.

I pray a lot. I pray that I’ll have a day of tolerable pain and that it’s not too severe. I pray I have a day that the screams don’t come out. The screams just come, unconsciously, uncontrollably because the pain gets so bad.

People are going on with their lives, their days, the hustle and bustle of world keeps going – and I feel like I’m living in a tornado, but everyone else is saying, “Come on, it’s just a little breeze.” I want to scream at them and tell them it’s more than a breeze. It’s a huge storm on the horizon and I’m desperately seeking shelter from the pain. I want to rip off this Saran Wrap that’s clinging to my body, my pain, clinging to my soul and suffocating the enjoyment from my life. I want to enjoy life again.

Enjoying life, truly enjoying it, is a thing of the past. I miss my life. I miss who I was before the pain became so controlling. Heck, I’m a control freak. I love being in control, but this pain is winning and I’m losing. It’s slowly suffocating me. It’s snuffing out my passions, my dreams, my inspirations.

How do I release myself from these cards that have been dealt to me? How do I start winning again? Can we just call it a draw, a tie and start over? Can we start a new game called “life?”

I feel like I’m being pulled under, like I have cement blocks on my feet. I’m trying desperately to maintain my level above the surface of stormy waters. Waves of pain crashing over me. The rip tides pulling me further out. I’m drowning in this sea of pain. I keep saying to myself, “You just need to keep your head above water and you’ll be OK.” Some days, treading water just isn’t enough and I get pulled under.

Can anyone hear my screams for help? I just need a doctor to be my hero. I have a doctor that has helped me more than any other, but when you have illnesses like mine, you need more than one hero. So, I guess I’ll continue to tread water, with this Saran Wrap clinging to me for now and fight the pain every day. After all, I am “Chronically Fabulous” – and I still wake up every morning.

Follow this journey on Chronically Fabulous life.

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