What I Want My Future Husband to Understand About My Mental Illness

Dear Future Husband,

I wonder if we’ve met yet. Maybe you’re already a friend and I’ve told you about my struggles. Or perhaps we’ve yet to meet and I’ll have to figure out how to tell you I have anxiety, bipolar II disorder and sometimes struggle with suicidal thoughts.

I bet when you thought about the woman you might one day marry, you didn’t imagine she might struggle with mental illness. It was certainly never in the plan I had for my own life. You’re already amazing in my book, even though I’m still not sure who you are. Make no mistake, my mental illnesses will complicate the life we make together. You can’t fix me; not even I can do that. But you can walk beside me and help me fight my demons. There will be times when I need you to help pull me out of despair and times when I need you to help me stay rooted in life. You can remind me of all the many reasons I have to stay in this life. You can remind me that there’s more to me than my mental illnesses.

There will be times when I’m in tears and can’t tell you why. Maybe there’s a reason, maybe there’s not. Please don’t get mad at me if I can’t tell you why. There might be times when I can’t seem to tell you what I need. Please remember that a hug, a reminder that you love me and a reminder that I’m not alone in my fight will always work. I wish I could tell you my brushes with suicidal thoughts were over. But reality is they may not be. Even though I’m sure I will love the life we will build together, they might still dog my steps. They tend to happen out of nowhere, when it feels like the bottom has suddenly fallen out of my
life. And to this point, that doesn’t always take much. Remind me I have reasons to stay. Remind me life won’t always hurt so much.

I know it will sometimes feel like there are so many things to remind me of. But remember this too. I promise to be there for you through thick and thin, through the good times and the bad times. And I promise to love you with everything I have.

Your Future Wife

We want to hear your story. Become a Mighty contributor here.

Thinkstock photo via Digital Vision.

Find this story helpful? Share it with someone you care about.

Related to Mental Health

The Masks I Wore to Hide From Myself and Others

I wore a mask. Some days, on my bad days, I still do. Like all masks it serves as a barrier between myself and the world. It keeps me safe from judgement and harm. What others don’t know won’t hurt me. I already have enough hurt inside, I don’t need any more. I covered for [...]
woman at peace lying on her back in purple flowers

12 Benefits of Having a Mental Illness

I know; it sounds “crazy,” right?  Having a mental illness is incredibly hard, so what could be good about them? Well, I have written and thought a lot about all the burdens I carry due to my mental illnesses and how they make daily tasks harder. But if it wasn’t for my mental illnesses, I wouldn’t [...]
Happy young woman using smart phone

Researchers Say Instagram Is the 'Worst App' for Your Mental Health

According to new research, Instagram is the worst social media platform for your mental health. A survey conducted by the U.K.’s Royal Society for Public Health found that Instagram has the highest negative affect on well-being — increasing anxiety, depression and self-identity and body image issues for young people ages 14 to 24. But for better or worse, the picture-sharing [...]

The 'One Hour Rule' I Use on Days When Mental Illness Makes It Hard to Get Out of Bed

As much as I would love to be one of those people who jumps out of bed in the mornings, wide eyed, refreshed and ready to take on the day ahead, it just isn’t me. I am not a morning person at all. That being said, on the good days when I plan things to [...]